DOG BOOK TITLES

June 26, 2017

Tag, Dog of Industry

Lassie Does Hawaii

Pocket Dog

Thimblebrain, The Ice Skating Airedale

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PEPPERMINT TWIST

June 25, 2017

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THE LAND OF PIE

June 24, 2017

Once upon a time in the Land of Pie a call went out to all the cherry wedges scattered here to yon and back again to gather at once on the Platter of Display in the Central Courtyard.

‘What can this be about?’ asked Mavis, a slender cherry wedge hurrying through the rhubarb patch.

‘We’ll know when we know,’ answered Helen, the slightly more abundant cherry wedge sister of Mavis.

Before long all 8 wedges of the royal pie had assembled in a proper circular round on the Platter of Display in the Central Courtyard.

Well?’ said 7 of the siblings in unison, directing their attention to sibling number 8, Judd.

The worried Judd responded, ‘The Land of Cake has signed an exclusive treaty with the Land of Ice Cream. We’ve been betrayed!’

‘Oh, is that all? I never liked ice cream anyway. Melting is so unattractive,’ said Helen.

An argument ensued, some calling for arbitration, others agreeing with Helen and urging everybody to go home and forget about it. Some blueberry wedges and a lemon wedge or 2 watched the debate with varying amounts of interest, a lot to none at all. In the end, Helen’s supporters prevailed, and all 8 wedges wandered off to 8 divergent destinations, from Custard City in the north to Crust Village in the south.

In 2 months time, having discovered they no longer could live without pie, the Land of Ice Cream declared the treaty with the Land of Cake nullified.

When the news got to Helen, she turned to her pecan wedge friend, Portia, and said, ‘Who cares?’

‘Not me,’ replied Portia, and she returned her attention to the checkerboard, where she proceeded to jump 2 of Helen’s vanilla tarts with her own chocolate.

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THE DW GRIFFITH MISTRESS KWIZ ANSWER

June 23, 2017

All of the statements are true.

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THE DW GRIFFITH MISTRESS KWIZ

June 22, 2017

Carol Dempster, DW Griffith’s mistress and leading lady in his films during the 1920s, :

a. weighed 57 pounds.

b. could balance on one leg as pictured for hours and hours and hours.

c. thrived on a diet of cockroaches and kelp.

d. could recite from memory Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula

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BUGS TERMAGENT

June 21, 2017

Bugs Termagent razored his way efficiently into the space between the quarreling wolves. Raising his fist with its atrophied fingers into a gesture of dominance, he noted with satisfaction the wolves cringing and slinking away, lowered tails dragging along the pine needle carpet.

‘I would have sustenance!’ he shouted to his wife, Perennia, before taking a false step, tripping over a root hump and landing awkwardly, ripping his trousers in the process. Perennia bent double laughing.

Moral: At the peak of triumph, disaster often awaits.

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ON GOVERNMENT REPRESENTATIVES

June 20, 2017

They are all liars, you can’t believe anything they say. – Sitting Bull

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X MARKS THE SPOT

June 19, 2017

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – GENTLEMAN JIM CORBETT

June 18, 2017

Loon: Today’s celebrity ghost supplied to us for the 3 Question Interview, one Gentleman Jim Corbett, looks like a boxer. Were you a boxer, Gentleman?

Corbett’s ghost: I was a pugilist of some note.

Loon: Well, I’m sure pugiling was important, too. Did you ever meet the Queen of England, or better yet, dance with her?

Corbett’s ghost: I never had that pleasure.

Loon: Finally, if you could be a napkin, would you … be a napkin?

Corbett’s ghost: In some sense, I suppose you could say that I was a human napkin, wiping up the floor with many an unfortunate foe.

Loon (beaming): Thank you so much.

Corbett’s ghost (bowing): An honor.

(Loon fumbles with his cravat. Corbett’s ghost shadow boxes away.)

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STUDS TERKEL ANGELA MERKEL

June 17, 2017

studs terkel

angela merkel

the farmer in the dell

whenever i’m beside myself

i ring this little bell

sojourner truth

john wilkes booth

from the mighty whale a tooth

whenever i’m behind myself

i’m always in duluth

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