DAY OF EARTH

April 22, 2018

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THE WEAK KING

April 21, 2018

The King of the flat land west of the hills was small and weak. He spoke so softly that the royal lip reader was more important than the prime minister or the Queen. Owing to the facts that neither the prime minister nor the Queen possessed patience enough to learn lip reading and they both hated the arrogant lip reader with a passion, the pair of them conspired often about what to do about the King’s lack of backbone and audibility.

“We’ve tried everything. Everything does not work, and so we will have to try something else,” said the Queen.

“Well said, Your Majesty,” replied the prime minister. “What do you suggest?”

“I suggest that you hie into the ravine of gloom, find a witch, bribe her, and return with whatever it is that you return with,” said the Queen.

The prime minister obeyed. When he returned, smiling weakly and clothes in tatters, he offered a small ruby to the Queen, saying, “This is a deep ruby blush. It activates when you place it on the King’s left eyelid when he is asleep.”

After the prime minister was carried off to recover somewhere else, the Queen hurried to the bedchamber where the King most often napped between naps. She placed the ruby on his left eyelid and stood back. The room was of a sudden drenched in gorgeous ruby gloom. The King awoke.

HELLO, SWEETHEART! GREAT WEATHER WE ARE HAVING, WHAT?” said the King, and he leaped from bed, punched the wall, and, laughing a high cackle, danced from the room.

And that is how the weak King became strong and loud, and how the Queen undertook a permanent solo world tour, and how the prime minister went to live quietly alone in a mud hut.

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THE STANLEY KUBRICK KWIZ ANSWER

April 20, 2018

Godzilla and Mothra were lovers.

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THE STANLEY KUBRICK KWIZ

April 19, 2018

Young Stanley Kubrick is about to:

a. take a photo of Godzilla and Mothra embracing.

b. take part in an unfashion show.

c. throw the photo equipment down and attack.

d. take leave of his senses for a long time.

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MISS MURDSTONE

April 18, 2018

When she paid the coachman she took her money out of a hard steel purse, and she kept the purse in a very jail of a bag which hung upon her arm by a heavy chain, and shut up like a bite. – Charles Dickens has a go at Miss Murdstone in David Copperfield.

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HEAVY SPRING TRAFFIC

April 17, 2018

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FLORAL NOIR

April 16, 2018

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – SAMUEL GOMPERS

April 15, 2018

Loon: Today as guest on the 3 Question Interview, we have one Samuel Gompers, some sort of labor leader back in the day. Question 1. Mr. Gompers, did your really funny name ruin your childhood?

Ghost of Gompers: To the contrary. They called me Gorilla Gompers and trembled under my gaze.

Loon: Question 2. Your name rhymes with rompers, though. Isn’t that silly?

Ghost of Gompers: It rhymes with stompers, too. How silly is that? These boots are made for stomping.

Loon: Moving right along. Question 3. Did you own a skiff?

Ghost of Gompers: And a damn fine skiff it was. (Stomps off.)

Loon: Join me next week for another ghostly celebrity interview. (Burrows under the carpet.)

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FORESTER

April 14, 2018

Forester trembled. Gathering courage, he erupted screaming from behind the barn and scampered sobbing across the meadow. Vaulting the fence with a nimble twist, he took time to review his day so far. Having reviewed it, he fell heavily, and a stab of pain ran up into his face all the way from his knee. He rolled in agony and the nearby stream. Submerged, he opened his eyes. A catfish hovering in front of his nose laughed at him. At this point, Forester lost his composure, and, shortly thereafter, his life. His wife remarried in joyous haste.

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THE BARRYMORES KWIZ ANSWER

April 13, 2018

The siblings pulled off 8 successful bank heists in 1911, grew bored, and moved on to other things.

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