UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCE

July 30, 2015

As the potential lovers happened to be mutually absorbent, on touching, they disappeared.

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HAWKINS

July 29, 2015

Hawkins ate the last of the chutney, wiped the slobber from his chin, muscled into his heavy duty parka, and crawled out into the dismissive fury of the storm. Ice brackets slammed into his legs, torso, and head. Tongues of sleet licked mockingly at his slitted eyes. His ears were broken by the storm’s howling laughter. His elbows turned blue with fear. Nevertheless, forward, forward, forward he went, determined beyond belief to rescue the puppy. By some miracle he reached the bank of the river, where, after the storm abated, he decorated the landscape as a lifeless human icicle for weeks.

Meanwhile, the puppy romped, dashing hither and there to yon and back all around the warm cottage’s interior, playing with his new mistress, the Storm Queen.

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1 WAY TO BEGIN A 1000 PAGE NOVEL

July 28, 2015

The small boys came early to the hanging. – With this sentence Ken Follett embarks on ‘The Pillars of the Earth’.

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HE FELT LIKE

July 27, 2015

He felt like a career mediocrity having a mildly productive week.

He felt like he’d been skating on thin ice carrying an anvil.

He felt like the world ignored him because it owed him four dollars.

He felt like doom would be an improvement.

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RANDOM DIALOG

July 26, 2015

Superhero: We’ll take the flying buzz car.

Stranger Being Rescued: What’s a flying buzz car?

Superhero: A car that flies and buzzes.

Stranger Being Rescued: Oh.

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SURF TUMBLE

July 25, 2015

2015-07-23 11.38.18

A wave breaks in the churning flora sea.

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THE EARLY TALKIES

July 24, 2015

Presenting the most frequently uttered line of dialogue in circa 1929-1934 talkies set in contemporary big cities:

‘Say, what is this?’

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ELEGANCE IGNORING A GROUP OF HER TINY ADORING CRIMSON FANS

July 23, 2015

2015-07-22 12.36.43

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MAGIC POTION RECIPE

July 22, 2015
Tags:

To make this versatile potion, good for invisibility or flight, you will need the following:

1 clarinet

1 steel flagon

3 seeds of any kind (doubt works well)

a blue bowl filled half with water from a roaring cataract and half with empty

2 pinches and 1 poke of dirt

Start by placing the clarinet on the ground. Jump up and down on it until you are tired. Then bash it to pieces with the steel flagon and place the largest bits in the blue bowl. Sweep the smaller bits away, as you will have no need for them, and you wouldn’t want to step on them later with your bare feet. Your feet are bare, aren’t they? Good. That is important. You may now dispose of the steel flagon in any manner you choose, for its role in the recipe has been completed. You now add to the blue bowl with its clarinet bits and water the 2 pinches of dirt. In the poke of dirt plant the 3 seeds. Pour the contents of the bowl over the poke and seeds. Go off into a corner and wait. When the hand of time has strangled a week or more, pluck the strange orange leaf which by now is waving from the poke. Chew it. Spit it out into the palm of your right hand. Smear it across your forehead. Dance around, waving your arms. Don’t be shy. You are now invisible. To fly, simply double the recipe.

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NOT OVERLY POMPOUS

July 21, 2015

It your neighbor is pompous, but not overly pompous, refer to him as falutin instead of highfalutin.

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