George was the undisputed world champion ‘pixies and leprechauns’ player. He often said he owed it all to his hut.
today is august 24th
i’m celebrating in the north
there’s not an awful lot to do
after painting turkeys blue,
winnowing the various grains,
unloading a hundred choochoo trains,
sorting through the greeting cards,
and bribing the praetorian guards
i might take time to just relax
and strew the ground with carpet tacks
Betemus Quop gazed into the eyes of doom and took one involuntary step backwards and one voluntary step backward. Then both of his legs volunteered to flee with as much haste as Betemus could summon. He sped in a kind of whirling frenzy all the way to the mouth of the cave and shot out into the welcoming snow storm. His rasping gasps took turns with rib crunching thumps as he caromed from tree to tree all the way down the slope to the rapidly roaring river. He leaped into the freezing churn without entertaining even the most fleeting of thoughts. Swept to a sandbar, Betemus rolled in misery to huddle beneath a thorn bush. Violent winds caused it to stab successfully at his flesh. Three days passed before the volunteers found him. He muttered and sang and snatched at his beard while they carried him back to the village. Once safely home, Betemus Quop vowed never again to seek the eyes of doom. Unfortunately for him, the eyes of doom voluntarily sought him and found him within a week.
Loon: Today we welcome for the 3 Question Interview the ghost of Benny Goodman, a bandleader from the days of yore. Mr. Goodman, is the french horn named after France?
Goodman’s ghost: Don’t jive me, daddy. Next question.
Loon: Yes, sir. Did wearing glasses help you as a musician?
Goodman’s ghost: You’re a strange cat, my man. Let’s move on. I got a gig to get to.
Loon: Did you secretly hate the clarinet?
Goodman’s ghost: (freezes loon in place with a death ray stare before lilting off through the wall)
a dry remedy
for charms lost
and bitterness found
on the muscled plain of no return
to a dilapidated harmony
Once in a while Gloria would place her hairpiece on the turntable and give it a spin to hear Ethel Waters singing the blues.
Gloria produced this hairdo by:
a. melting an Ethel Waters record to pliable and shaping it lovingly to fit her skull.
b. shaping a thin layer of tar and laminating it.
c. melting wax over her head and painting it with ink.
d. dousing her hair in water, combing it, then pressing it down with an iron and swabbing it with glue.
george plimpton met jean shrimpton going to the fair
said george to jean ‘have you seen a man with a grizzly bear?’
said jean to george, ‘he’s at the forge with the blacksmith’s flunky.’
said george to jean, ‘peachy keen. then all is dory hunky.
now i must be off to the water trough where i left my favorite monkey.’
jean shrimpton sighed and waved bye-bye and turned without a care
to continue on her journey to the mandatory fair.