August 24, 2009
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To Fulfill an Obsession

Nehemiah Plaster was nothing if not determined. From earliest childhood on he pored over maps of France, haunted the French Embassy (which was nothing if not difficult for a small boy who lived in Golden, Colorado), and practiced daily in the mirror his sneer of superiority. What did he study in college? Nothing if not Proust and Sartre and Piaf and Julia Child. His perfectly spoken French became so snotty that he was able to make the snottiest maitre d’ in the snottiest French restaurant weep in humiliation. When Nehemiah renounced his American citizenship and applied for French of the same, it was nothing if not no surprise. Random strollers witnessed tears of joy coursing down his cheeks on the day he finally stood in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, flung his arms wide, and cried, “I am Plaster of Paris!”

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