December 31, 2009
1. Behave like a rodent. 2. Get more shredded weevil into my diet. 3. Take a train to Madagascar. 4. Host a buzzard-emptying party. 5. Micromanage a harlot’s schedule. 6. Learn more about Captain Kangaroo’s stock broker’s accountant. 7. Skip every other Tuesday. 8. Work in a nightingale factory. 9. Pay off oxygen debt. 10. [...]
December 30, 2009
The loon was in this mountain meadow. Bundled up warmly, he plowed through the snowscape. Safely zipped in a pocket of his parka, his list of New Year’s Resolutions for the year 2009 rested. Nine of the ten vows had been crossed off, accomplished, taken care of. They had been the easy ones, the ones [...]
December 29, 2009
Charles Dickens: a. could juggle. b. thought his ankles were too thick. c. destroyed all evidence proving he invented the bendy straw. d. always slept with his favorite pen. e. shouted ‘Huzzah for Sparky!’ every once in a while.
December 28, 2009
The loon was up all night flocking these trees. At dawn, exhausted, he stepped back to survey his work. He was struck at once in the face by a revelation. So impressed was he that he shouted in glorious glee, “Bo Peep’s sheep weren’t missing! They had just robbed a stagecoach and were on the [...]
December 27, 2009
This is Gorge, a troll. He is trying and failing to develop a disarming smile.
December 26, 2009
The loon threatened to go for a swim here yesterday. Fortunately, a compendium of international jewel thieves talked him out of it, and he settled instead for standing on his head while reciting the alphabet backwards.
December 24, 2009
“Sir, you appear to be a crazed half-wit psychotic cretin with the brains of a sea slug and the sensitivity of excrement. However, you can prove me wrong for the tenth part of a dollar.”
December 23, 2009
At least one, and possibly all, of the following statements are true. Circle those you believe to be factual. Emily Dickinson: a. collected scalps. b. drank herself senseless every Thursday. c. was quite an accomplished baseball player. d. dipped snuff. e. had a pet turkey named Stan. f. could fly.
December 22, 2009
This particular crump is the Prime Minister to the Quing and the Quang of Blossom Castle. The head is on a swivel, thereby allowing the faces to take turns seeing where the crump is headed.