April 19, 2011

Following the disqualification of Rose Trelawny for stealing the president’s watch fob, the first runner up has been elevated to wear the crown of Miss Pageant.

Meet Iris Breedlove, our new Miss Pageant. Iris is a licensed plumber from Bennington, Vermont. When not plumbing, she can be found whittling facsimiles of Civil War cannons to give as gifts to hobos. On alternate Sundays, she flies to Denver, Colorado and washes dishes at the Fred’s Hofbrau there. She has been institutionalized twice, but the second time was a mistake. She refuses to dance unless a tuba is playing. She shouts “I LOVE WORLD PEACE” once in a while, sometimes in the midst of a completely unrelated statement. She reserves the right to be refused service.

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