Anvil in a Lace Bootie

Here is the tri-billed stabber bird seeking something to stab. Tweet

Harrison’s servant questioned the rose closely. “Do you swear on your honor as a comely bloom that my master will succeed in winning the hand of the handless maiden?” asked Harrison’s servant. “I swear on my grandmother’s petal pushers,” replied the rose. Satisfied, Harrison’s servant plucked and subsequently presented the rose to his master, who [...]

“I remember a sweet, strange girl, with affectionate, bewildered eyes as if God had locked her in a dark closet without any explanation.” I, too, remember Mamie Eisenhower. Tweet

“Normally when I’m this drunk I can’t see.” Tweet

Could a swim duck? says I Tweet

I never promised you a … Oh, wait. Here it is anyway. Tweet

Rocco Banducci, grizzled hit plant now in federal custody, agrees to name names in exchange for plastic surgery and relocation as a Shasta daisy. Tweet

There comes a time for all of us when we must: 1. learn to bake cookies. 2. eat a piece of bad fish. 3. give thanks to the avocado man. 4. admit that we’re not that thrilled with marzipan. 5. consume an entire box of chocolates and rationalize it by eating a stalk of celery. [...]

(Therapist and patient face each other. Each is seated on a comfortable chair. A large door with a bull’s-eye painted on it looms in the background.) Patient: I’m scared to do it because of my dream. Therapist: Tell me about the dream. Patient: I’m talking to you, and you tell me I have to leave [...]

‘HAPPINESS FOR EVERYBODY, FREE, AND NO ONE WILL GO AWAY UNSATISFIED!’ The Russkies do some happening scifi. Check out the Andrei Tarkovsky movie, STALKER, based on the bros’ book, ROADSIDE PICNIC. Tweet