LOON PREPARATIONS

September 20, 2011

The loon has assembled the above in order to undertake some sort of painting project. And I dare not ask about the Johnson’s Baby Powder for fear of hearing his explanation. The repeated ‘HEAVY BODY’ references are also unsettling to me, known to those who know me as a timid and frightened creature.

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BEE TALK

September 19, 2011
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Bee One: Is this pollen great or what? Bee Two: You weren’t lying, Hannah. This stuff is the bomb. Bee One: I can’t wait to tell the Queen. Bee Two: Why don’t we keep it to ourselves for a while? Bee One: Not tell the Queen? Bee Two: Why should we? She never shares royal […]

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THE BIG CUP

September 18, 2011
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the big cup fill it up but certainly not with the arms of Krupp rather instead before you’re dead fill it with a loaf of bread

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A SENTENCE BY GLENYSE WARD

September 17, 2011

Just as I was about to be attacked by a mob of vicious turkeys, I awoke to the sound of high pitched ringing. Anyone who writes about a mob of vicious turkeys is okay by me.

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CARTOON FRIDAY 120

September 16, 2011

“Don’t worry about it. My expectations weren’t that high, you being a squid and all.”

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UNIVERSAL CLOCK SPLIT

September 15, 2011
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Alignment will take place in the third of the seven mysterious elements. The loon knows this because a talking pigeon told him so.

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JACK LONDON SANG HERE, TOO

September 14, 2011

Though he was the most popular author of his time, he returned to Belmont to fulfill a promise made to one Hermione Patterson. While working in the laundry, he had promised Ms. Patterson that if he ever became the most popular author of his time, he would allow her to bury him up to his […]

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WHAT THE SUN DID WITH THE SPANGLES

September 13, 2011
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Here we have a crude illustration as to why the sentence closing the Nestor chapter in James Joyce’s ULYSSES is the loon’s favorite sentence ever written. The sentence is the nearly blind Irishman’s way of boasting, “Oh, by the way, I can do this.” Well, what is the sentence? The sentence goes thusly: ‘On his […]

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HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS – PART ONE

September 12, 2011

Damian ‘Breaded’ Hunsacker tossed the car keys into the candy dish, distorting the adjacent dimension and disturbing the m&ms. His pocket handkerchief turned into a frog. Meanwhile, somewhere far across the galaxy, Alma Lafferty slipped on an oil slick in her garage. Falling heavily, she shattered her right wrist and her vow nevermore to use […]

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FLOATING ON THE STREAM

September 11, 2011
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