November 13, 2011

The fadwren is a perky and insistent small bird found in marshes and abandoned steel factories. Both the male and the female dress in tiny trenchcoats. The male wears the collar turned up, the female turned down. The eggs are green with blue specks. The hatchlings, usually 3 or 4 in number, emerge in Eton jackets and exchange these for adult trenchcoat plumage after three weeks. Fadwrens do not fly. The marsh fadwren goes about in a small submarine, and the abandoned steel factory variety drives a miniature yellow school bus.  Fadwrens feed on grubs, jacks, pucks, knobs, soss, and meckle. Their song sounds something like, ‘Get out of my face, you indulgent scrap hen.’ Fadwrens live 12 years, 4 months, 3 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes. Do not try to make a fadwren your pet if you value your life.

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