October 21, 2012

Loon: Today I’m really excited to have none other than William Shakespeare aboard as celebrity ghost to answer 3 questions of my own choosing. Bill, and I may call you Bill, right?

Shakespeare’s ghost: Whatever. No skin off my nose or, as a matter of fact, any other body part, if you get my drift. Go for it.

Loon: Great. Question number 2. About Queen Elizabeth’s makeup. It was pretty grotesque, wasn’t it?

Shakespeare’s ghost: Would you believe an inch thick of colored putty made from lard? Holy Cimoli! She reeked! Stank! Stinkola! Yowza, it was all like almost impossible to hold your breath long enough to survive an audience. As it was, your eyes were gonna water. Nothing you could do about that. Not a goddam thing.

Loon: So, in conclusion, were bodkins really all that odd?

Shakespeare’s ghost: Odd? You calling my bodkin odd? In what way odd? Hows about I stab you in the eye?

Loon: You can disappear now. That’s 3 questions.

Shakespeare’s ghost, muttering obscenities, evaporates.

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