January 20, 2013

Loon: Today’s ghost is so famous he needs no introduction. I’ve heard you drank a lot of liquor. Is this true?

W.C. Fields’ ghost: I was once forced to flee Bemidji, Minnesota in a canoe in order to escape a maddened herd of muskrats intent on my demise. It seems I had inadvertently insulted their queen, who had developed an unseemly fondness for me. On this occasion I was required to harpoon a …

Loon (interrupting): But the drinking. What about the drinking?

W.C. Fields’ ghost: Don’t mind if I do. Brings back the time I was digging on a sandbar in the Klondike with Manassas Moll …

Loon (interrupting): Drinking! What about the drinking?

W.C. Fields’ ghost: Ah, yes, drinking. I was tippling in a saloon near the Panama Canal when in walked Three Finger Dave, the only man in the Western Hemisphere equally known in the Eastern Hemisphere. He wore an earring made from the fetlock of a Himalayan yeti … (fades to nothingness still talking)

Loon: …………

Leave a Reply