June 13, 2017

(God and a coterie of subservient sycophants are seated around a table.)

God: I think each one of you should praise me in turn. Start.

Sycophant 1: You’re the best. You’re so great. I mean, my God! I’m humbled and grateful to be near you.

Sycophant 2: I’m going to bronze the clothes I’m wearing today in honor of your incredibleness.

Sycophant 3: I weep with joy to be allowed to exist in the same room at the same time with you.

Sycophant 4: The miraculous fortune I’ve been blessed with to be able to serve in some small way to lighten your burden will live in my soul forever.

Sycophant 5: I really like working for you.

God: You’re fired, 5. 6?

Sycophant 6: The greatest honor ever bestowed on me is this right here now, to be a pale and inadequate reflection of your greatness.

God: Class dismissed. Bring me a cheeseburger.

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