AUGUST 24TH

August 24, 2016

today is august 24th i’m celebrating in the north there’s not an awful lot to do after painting turkeys blue, winnowing the various grains, unloading a hundred choochoo trains, sorting through the greeting cards, and bribing the praetorian guards i might take time to just relax and strew the ground with carpet tacks

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BETEMUS QUOP

August 23, 2016

Betemus Quop gazed into the eyes of doom and took one involuntary step backwards and one voluntary step backward. Then both of his legs volunteered to flee with as much haste as Betemus could summon. He sped in a kind of whirling frenzy all the way to the mouth of the cave and shot out […]

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – BENNY GOODMAN

August 21, 2016

Loon: Today we welcome for the 3 Question Interview the ghost of Benny Goodman, a bandleader from the days of yore. Mr. Goodman, is the french horn named after France? Goodman’s ghost: Don’t jive me, daddy. Next question. Loon: Yes, sir. Did wearing glasses help you as a musician? Goodman’s ghost: You’re a strange cat, […]

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FLEET BISCUITS

August 20, 2016

fleet biscuits a dry remedy for charms lost and bitterness found on the muscled plain of no return to a dilapidated harmony faltering fleet biscuits

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THE GLORIA SWANSON HAIR KWIZ ANSWER

August 19, 2016

Once in a while Gloria would place her hairpiece on the turntable and give it a spin to hear Ethel Waters singing the blues.

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THE GLORIA SWANSON HAIR KWIZ

August 18, 2016

Gloria produced this hairdo by: a. melting an Ethel Waters record to pliable and shaping it lovingly to fit her skull. b. shaping a thin layer of tar and laminating it. c. melting wax over her head and painting it with ink. d. dousing her hair in water, combing it, then pressing it down with […]

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GEORGE AND JEAN

August 17, 2016

george plimpton met jean shrimpton going to the fair said george to jean ‘have you seen a man with a grizzly bear?’ said jean to george, ‘he’s at the forge with the blacksmith’s flunky.’ said george to jean, ‘peachy keen. then all is dory hunky. now i must be off to the water trough where […]

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A TASTE OF THERE

August 16, 2016

Priscilla Raines opened the door to infinity and stepped through. It wasn’t even close to as serene as she’d imagined it would be. For starters, the plank walkway heading out onto the jetty was roughly hewn, crisscrossed with mismatched nails and rusted bolts and the occasional neon spike. The sea itself gave no comfort, gray […]

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PROLOGUE

August 15, 2016

window man approaching window to have a look outside crazed thespian finding a dagger advancing army of cockroaches door landlady about to knock on door and demand overdue rent payment landlady’s arch enemy preparing to leap

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – CASPER

August 14, 2016

Loon: What a treat we have today. The Lords of the 4th Dimension have brought to us for the 3 Question Interview the one and only Casper, the Friendly Ghost. Tell me, Casper, who were you before you were a friendly ghost? Casper: Tee hee hee. Loon: Oh, my. Don’t be shy. Are you really […]

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