April 24, 2014
Taking on the role of Svengali, John Barrymore stayed in character by: a. running amok through a local dairy. b. hypnotizing ravens to do his bidding. c. poking random strangers in the eye with his beard. d. igniting small brush fires with his gaze. e. beginning each day by eating a bowl of swan’s eyes.
April 22, 2014
Morning slapped me like a deranged walrus. My brain felt like it had been chopped and pureed by a band of angry aphids wielding barbed flails. ‘You’re an angel,’ I croaked when Wanda, my secretary, whose petals had seen the seedier side of the San Fernando Valley, poured a pitcher of gin down my face. […]
April 20, 2014
Loon: We have a writer I think I’ve heard of today for the 3 question interview, Mr. Nick Gogol. Tell me, Nick, is there a question you would like me to ask? Gogol’s ghost: The Roman Nose Replacement saluted his inner thigh. Loon: Did he? Gogol’s ghost: Not really, but he should have. Loon: Do […]
April 17, 2014
Henderson rose from the chair, advanced to the center of the room, paused, thrust his right leg forward, and stood stock still for a time balanced in this peculiar manner. ‘I do this sometimes,’ he said before he returned to the chair. His guests departed rapidly.
April 15, 2014
Peaches Lamborghini delicately slipped the dagger between the ribs of the umbrella.
April 13, 2014
Loon: Today for the 3 question interview we have a distinguished looking bearded gentleman, a Mister Charles Darwin, I am informed. Tell me, Mr. Darwin, are those boots comfortable? Darwin’s ghost: To be forthright, they are slightly snug. Loon: Following up on that, have you ever spilled honey onto your beard? Darwin’s ghost: You are […]
April 11, 2014
What can I say? He had a strict cook. No dessert if you don’t finish your vegetables.
April 10, 2014
JP glowers because: a. he can’t have dessert because he didn’t eat his broccoli. b. the minion he’s staring at brought the wrong gold plated mustache comb. c. he’s just been told wealth is not all giggles and pranks. d. no matter how much his heart yearns for it, he can’t unilaterally ban the accordion.
April 8, 2014
Preparing to go Fishing with Pop Henley or How I Broke Bread with the Devil in Hell or Giving One’s All for Art
April 6, 2014
Loon: I am joined this morning for the 3 question interview by the ghost of J.P. Morgan, a prominent financier, whatever that may be. Mr. Morgan, why are you wearing spats? Morgan’s ghost: I want your coat. Give it to me. Loon: I’m not wearing a coat. What coat do you mean? Morgan’s ghost: In […]