NOT EDWARD LEAR’S BIRTHDAY

March 19, 2015

In honor of Edward Lear, who was not born on this date in any year you could name, the following poem is dedicated.

Once Jill was lost on a mountain

Once Jill was trapped in a fountain

Once Jill was captured by geese

Once Jill was jailed by her niece

Therefore, naturally

Jill now lives perched in a tree

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READY OR NOT, HERE I COME

March 18, 2015

2015-03-17 11.50.03

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DEBOR

March 17, 2015

Hand over hand she climbed the rope up to her aerie above the dead city on the dead world. She tumbled over the sill into the nearly vacant room. She grasped the strap of the satchel hanging around her neck and lifted it up and over her head. She placed the satchel on the floor and opened it. She reached in and brought forth a perfect little globe, a marble, pure and clear. Debor, for that was her name, brought the orb close to her analytic eye and examined it. A smile danced on her lips. She went to the table, the lone piece of furniture in the room, and took from the small pedestal there a green rock. She massaged it between thumb and forefinger a moment before she turned and threw it out the window. She then positioned the crystal marble on the pedestal and stepped back to admire it. In the dead city on the dead world satisfaction flowed through Debor, bathing every part of her body in happiness except for one patch behind her left ear which was the dead connection to the collective. For you see, resistance had not been futile.

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THE SKELETAL TRIFFID

March 16, 2015
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2015-03-14 11.30.45

This skeletal triffid, standing in front of the triffid disguised as a pine tree, monitors the airwaves with its antenna twigs and sends reports to the invisible mother ship hovering somewhere in back of the moon. It told me that lately it’s been bored with nothing but weasels to report. It added not to get started on birds, so I didn’t. I kept myself funneled to the subject of the approaching invasion, and my reward was a rare triffid smile. (You have to know where to look to see one)

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SPACE PREPARED FOR WILDFLOWER INVASION

March 15, 2015

2015-03-14 11.24.53

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WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

March 14, 2015

2015-03-12 11.24.36

1. A rocket ship to Mars just took off.

2. The superhero, Designer Clothes Man, just flew by.

c. The roadrunner, pursued by Wile E. Coyote, just ran by.

d. The rug along the corridor by the pool in the Hard Rock hotel casino just blew your mind, man.

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THE SEVENTH SEAL KWIZ ANSWER

March 13, 2015

‘all of the above’ is the correct answer.

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THE SEVENTH SEAL KWIZ

March 12, 2015

The Seventh Seal -The Knight and The Squire

During the filming of The Seventh Seal, Gunnar Bjornstrand and Max Von Sydow relaxed between scenes by:

a. sharing knock knock jokes.

b. downing flagon on flagon of ale and giggling.

c. waging a Bibi Andersson impersonation contest judged by Bibi herself.

d. thumb wrestling.

e. doing all of the above.

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CLASS RESPONSES TO THE NEW ASSIGNMENT

March 11, 2015

The new assignment was to add a sentence to the following in order to complete the tale:

Princess and Alvin Triceratops drove off in their reinfected mobile storage facility to purchase innards.

The 3 sentences to earn the grade of A were:

1. Disappointed to discover that the innards store had gone out of business, they committed suicide.

2. They changed their minds and had their socks galvanized instead.

3. Their plan was foiled by a clever astronaut posing as a loaf of bread.

 

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MYSTERY SOLVED

March 10, 2015
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As instructed, all of the suspects have been gathered in the drawing room. You enter, your face an efficient blank.

‘Good evening,’ you begin. ‘You may all rest assured that I have solved the murder, but indulge me for a moment and allow me to reveal how I came to my conclusion. First, Lady Biveridge, you were not in fact skiing in Aspen, Colorado when the murder took place. You were in Prague, Czechoslovakia disguised as a streetcar conductor and having simultaneous affairs with a board game manufacturer and the zoo’s snake handler. Therefore, of course you couldn’t have committed the crime. Lord Biveridge, please control yourself and resume your seat. Your Lordship proved to be no more truthful about your whereabouts than Her Ladyship. You said you were examining potsherds in the Egyptian desert when, to be accurate, you were in Perth, Australia having a three sided affair with an acrobat, a dance instructor, and a Nepalese eye doctor. Thus, you, too, are eliminated as a candidate for murder. That leaves only you, Chiffers.’

‘Balderdash,’ says Chiffers, the butler.

‘Balderdash, is it?’ you smirk. ‘Let me just ask you then, Chiffers, how would you like it if I opened that door next to the bookcase there?’

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ says Chiffers.

‘Oh, wouldn’t you?’ you say, a satisfied smile of superiority dancing on your lips.

You approach the door. You open it.

robot helm

There she is. You die.

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