November 24, 2013
Loon: Today we have some kind of raggedy fellow with a beard for our 3 question interview. The Lords of the 4th dimension forgot to tell me about today’s ghostly guest. So I’ll just have to wing it blind, so to speak. Tell me, celebrity, would the average, oh I don’t know, let’s just say, apple grower know your identity?
Johnny Appleseed’s ghost: Yes sirree. Sure as shootin’. By cracky, you got that right, young feller.
Loon: Aha. Then, moving logically, let me just ask you point blank whether or not the phrase ‘kitten on the keys’ means anything to you?
Johnny Appleseed’s ghost: Well now, sir, I don’t reckon as to how that means nary a thing to this here old codger.
Loon: Then I’m right! You are the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh, are you not?
Johnny Appleseed’s ghost: (Alarmed, eyes darting left, then right, strokes beard, fades away)
Loon (with pride): Join me next week when I’ll probe the mind of another famous ghost.
November 23, 2013
No other factory in the world mixes chocolate by waterfall!
From you-know-who and the you-know-what
November 22, 2013
His dentist is second to none.
November 21, 2013
The Grim Reaper:
a. has an excellent dentist.
b. refuses to play chess with Swedes.
c. is not such a bad guy once you get to know him.
d. gave a commendable performance in a Perth revival of Phantom of the Opera.
November 20, 2013
The magic fish removed it spectacles, placed them on the bedside table, doused the glow lamp, and settled back with a sigh to sleep. Sleep, however, refused to visit. The constant drip, drip, drip of air bubbles blurping up from the faucet in the bathroom tap, tap, tapped on the magic fish’s brain. Drat, thought the magic fish, I need plenty of sleep. Tomorrow no doubt I’ll probably have to deal with that fisherman’s greedy wife again or some equally obnoxious fool. The magic fish swam from bed to bathroom and tightened the tap with all it was worth and a few bars more. Such was its effort that its scales glistened like a rainbow. There, muttered the satisfied fish, that’s got it. Returning to its bed, the magic fish burrowed down in comfort, sighing again, this time with bliss. Sleep visited, touching the magic fish with its soothing wand of peace. Elsewhere, the greedy wife of the fisherman spent a sleepless night concocting some newly ridiculous demand.
November 18, 2013
Watch out when the ratio of here and now to there and then falls below 80/20. 95/5 is excellent. 90/10 is all right. 85/15 is borderline. 80/20? Watch the next sunset without fail.
November 17, 2013
Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension have sent to us for today’s 3 question interview the royal personage of a very queen needing no introduction. So without further ado, I introduce Queen Victoria. Tell us, your Royal Imperium, what did it feel like when you found out you were Queen?
Victoria’s ghost: We were amused.
Loon: Who were amused?
Victoria’s ghost: We.
Loon: Who we?
Victoria’s ghost: We we. (dissipates)
Loon: Er, I never knew she was French. Well, live and learn. Join me next week when I’ll probe with 3 questions the mind of another deceased celebrity.
November 16, 2013
The fog was like a saffron blanket soaked in ice-water.
The smokey fog is a major character in Allingham’s The Tiger in the Smoke.
November 15, 2013
The human pyramid collapsing shocked Constance. The mooning of Mr. Griffith was old hat to the girl, as was her Ma wading through crowds, fists flying.