NEW SNACK SENSATION

September 11, 2017

COBRA BITS!

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A Fourth Pouch Free With The Purchase Of Three

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Endorsed By Doctors In Hiding – the fun charity with murky origins

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – CHESTER ARTHUR

September 10, 2017
Tags:

Loon: In a presidential mood, the Lords of the 4th Dimension have sent the spirit of someone they reassure me was, at some undetermined time, the president of the United States. First things first, I’m a little confused. Sir, is your name Chester Arthur or Arthur Chester?

Arthur’s ghost: I forget. It doesn’t matter when you think about the cosmos, does it?

Loon: Uh, I guess not. Anyway, did you ever wear a cape?

Arthur’s ghost: Perhaps, perhaps not. It’s of no consequence in the general vastness.

Loon: Finally, to get more specific, funny habit did you have?

Arthur’s ghost: Forever is a blink. Remember that.

(Ghost shakes frosty claw of a finger in loon’s face, disappears. Loon blinks rapidly for several minutes, faints.)

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TRIFFID SEED PODS

September 9, 2017

When mature, they sprout wings, disperse, bury themselves, and grow.

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THE CRYSTAL BALL KWIZ ANSWER

September 8, 2017

She never did like dusting.

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THE CRYSTAL BALL KWIZ

September 7, 2017

Saliva, Queen of Insects, uses her hypnotic gaze in tandem with her crystal ball to:

a. render into helpless putty in her hands you, yes you, mwah ha ha.

b. help out with the dusting.

c. spy on nefarious corn futures traders.

d. contact the Jellyfish Monster approaching San Diego Harbor with mayhem in mind.

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MORE TITLES FROM THE BULLETS CRIME SERIES

September 6, 2017

Bullets For Breakfast

Bullets ‘R Us

A Destiny Of Bullets

Say It With Bullets

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MEDITATION BREAK

September 5, 2017

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CANDELABRA

September 4, 2017

Once in a land lost long ago, the royal family despaired. Each of the fourteen regal sons of the regal lord and regal lady had failed to free the land from the shackles of enchantment which rendered the land’s every living creature clumsy. Constantly heard were cries of ‘Sorry about that’ and ‘Whoops’, not to mention baser shouts of disappointment and frustration. Falling into streams and cleaning up spilled milk were common sights. And the despair reached its peak when the citizenry realized all hope was now to be pinned on the regal pair’s youngest child and only daughter, Candelabra. To that end, she was summoned into the presence of her regal parental pair.

“It’s up to you now,” said the regal lord from where he had most recently fallen.

“Yes, that is so,” confirmed the regal lady, accidentally knocking a goblet full of nectar from the arm of her throne.

“Finally,” said Candelabra, and she turned and marched confidently from the great hall into the courtyard, through the ornate entrance, across the drawbridge and into the stand of slender trees beyond the moat.

“Is it safe?” whispered a voice from above. Tree foliage rustled. An elderly crone thrust her head out through the leafy curtain.

“Yes. I don’t have to pretend to be clumsy any more. They have at last asked me to end the enchantment which they should have done in the first place I don’t have to tell you,” said Candelabra with a measure of indignation.

“Fools must fail again and again before they turn to the wise,” whispered the crone. “Here. Throw it in the moat.”

Candelabra bent down and picked up the coin dropped by the crone. The crone smiled and wisped away. Candelabra threw the coin into the placid water of the moat. Clumsiness was only an unpleasant memory throughout the land.

In the end when she came to be the lone regal, Candelabra ruled wisely and warily.

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – ELI WHITNEY

September 3, 2017

Loon: It’s going to be quite a task for me to figure out who this ghost delivered to us for the 3 Question Interview is. The Lords of the 4th Dimension have hurried off shouting ‘Eli Whitney cotton gin’ for whatever help that will be. Mr. Whitney, I myself am not a drinking man, so I’m sure you’ll excuse my lack of knowledge about spirits other than, of course, ghosts. Your clothes suggest to me an earlier century. That being the case, may I ask you what century you inhabited?

Whitney’s ghost: Yes, you may.

Loon: Thank you. Which century did you inhabit?

Whitney’s ghost: The 18th and the 19th.

Loon: Are you telling me you lived 200 years?

Whitney’s ghost: No, sir, I am not.

Loon: Oh, how I wish I had a fourth question to clear up this mystery, but I don’t. So good-bye, mysterious ghost.

(Loon leaves room. Eli Whitney’s ghost pulls a dirk from his waistcoat and leaps high in the air to disappear while laughing maniacally.)

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PROBLEMS

September 2, 2017

willful ignorance

religion

greed

 

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