THE ROSE OF HENRY

April 15, 2017
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Henry’s rose bloomed in April.

Henry bloomed in May.

They planned to rule the world in June.

By July they’d been taken away.

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THE JOE LOUIS KWIZ ANSWER

April 14, 2017

The photographer really shouldn’t have said what he said.

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THE JOE LOUIS KWIZ

April 13, 2017

15 seconds after this photo was taken:

a. the photographer lay stretched out unconscious on the floor.

b. the photographer and his assistant lay stretched out unconscious on the floor.

c. Joe allowed the photographer to leave unharmed.

d. Joe sat down on a comfortable chair.

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THE LOCKET

April 12, 2017

In the pleasant Valley of Swords, not an implement of death was more revered than the Savage Locket of Terminal Agony. The Grand Scimitar housed the Locket in a steel mesh Lurk, a combination of dungeon and spa. Whenever danger threatened, such as when a lamb or a baby giraffe accidentally wandered into the valley, the guardian switchblade squad hurried to the palace to inform the Grand Scimitar. The Grand Scimitar would then release the Savage Locket of Eternal Agony and await developments. Huddled in the palace, all the swords and knives shuddered to hear the bleating cries of agony. When, in time, the Savage Locket of Terminal Agony returned in haughty imperialistic pride and silently reentered the Lurk without any acknowledgement whatsoever of what it regarded as the swordly rabble, the residents, sharp or dull, felt a surge of security, knowing their pleasant valley had again been successfully defended by their champion. What they didn’t know was that the Savage Locket of Eternal Agony had gently led the intruders safely out of the valley and encumbered them with gifts before emitting bleating cries of agony to be heard in the palace.

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NOT SO FAST, SPRING, SAYS SOUTH LAKE TAHOE

April 11, 2017

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – RONALD REAGAN

April 9, 2017

Loon: I am pleased to welcome to the 3 Question Interview the ghost of Ronald Reagan, who I am told had something to do with both movies and politics. Ronald, did you favor using a tie tack or a tie clip?

Reagan’s ghost: Well, I did favor a clip given to me by my good friend Walt Disney. It was a tasteful representation of Pluto, the dog.

Loon: Fascinating. Did you wear silk socks?

Reagan’s ghost: Well, good old American cotton socks were good enough for me.

Loon: And finally, what is your favorite tree?

Reagan’s ghost: Well, I do like a particular oak tree on my ranch. We often pause in its shade to rest our horses.

Loon: Thank you, Ronald Reagan.

Reagan’s ghost: Well, it’s been an honor and a pleasure.

(Loon accidentally falls over. Reagan flies off on the ghost of an armadillo.)

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TOPPLE

April 8, 2017

Get out the knitting needles, Agnes, it’s oligarchy toppling time again.

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THE KIM AND HITCH KWIZ ANSWER

April 7, 2017

Alfred ate the entire watermelon, rind and all, in one sitting.

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THE KIM AND HITCH KWIZ

April 6, 2017

In this photo Alfred is describing to Kim:

a. a watermelon he recently purchased.

b. how hands should emerge from the ground.

c. one way to terrify a child.

d. what he would do if attacked by an elk.

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BORIS KARLOFF’S GRANDMOTHER’S SISTER

April 5, 2017

Boris Karloff’s grandmother’s sister

aka Anna Leonowens

aka the I in The King and I

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