COOL

January 7, 2017

It’s simply impossible for anyone to ever be as cool as Satchel Paige.

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THE PEGGY ASHCROFT KWIZ ANSWER

January 6, 2017

Peggy’s raven was named Felicia.

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THE PEGGY ASHCROFT KWIZ

January 5, 2017

When Peggy Ashcroft performed as the greatest Juliet of the 20th century opposite John Gielgud’s Romeo, before every performance she would:

a. meditate for an hour with her pet raven perched on her shoulder.

b. gain the focus she needed by weaving feathers into a replica of the Queen.

c. stare for ten minutes at a portrait of Rudyard Kipling.

d. have to be coaxed out from hiding in the laundry room.

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IT’S WINTER OUT THERE

January 4, 2017

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TIM

January 3, 2017

Tim knew better than to confront Charles directly. Acting with this knowledge in mind, he purchased a helicopter, a false nose, and a swollen inflated plastic rabbit. After taking a slew of flying lessons and qualifying as a helicopter pilot, he nudged his little plan into motion. First, he flew in his helicopter with rabbit and nose to a clearing in the woods a scant half mile from the farmhouse where Charles always holed up to develop his most heinous plans. Nose taped in place and dragging the swollen plastic rabbit by an ear, Tim crept to hide behind the fence within grenade lobbing distance of the farmhouse door. Whenever Charles emerged, and emerge he must, Tim would instantly bring rabbit and nose into play. Unfortunately, Charles had sold the farm two weeks earlier and moved to Scotland, never more to be seen. So whatever Tim had in mind for nose and swollen inflated plastic rabbit never was revealed. When Tim died 74 years later, the nose and plastic deflated rabbit were buried with him.

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LOOMING

January 2, 2017

childish behavior is to be expected from children

experts agree

from a president-elect of the united states?

looming catastrophe

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – STEPHEN FOSTER

January 1, 2017

Loon: On this new year’s day edition of the 3 Question Interview With A Celebrity Ghost, the Lords of the 4th Dimension have seen fit to deliver to us one Stephen Foster, a man I have never heard of, but who I am told wrote tunes. Mr. Foster, how often were you able to go ice skating?

Foster’s ghost: Not as often as I desired.

Loon: Too bad. It’s a lot of fun. I went yesterday. Second question. If you could live on the moon, would you?

Foster’s ghost: When I was alive, I never considered it. Now being dead, I do, as a matter of fact, live on the moon.

Loon: Final question. When you were alive, did you get enough roughage in your diet?

Foster’s ghost: I’m not altogether sure.

Loon: Thank you and good-bye. (Foster fades along with the piano and banjo he brought along. Loon goes to table, retrieves half consumed Snickers bar, consumes it.)

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THE LOST LIBRARY CARD

December 31, 2016

You have lost your library card. Don’t go into the bedroom again. You have already searched it thoroughly. Try the kitchen. You know the card can’t possibly be there, but nevertheless, take a look. It isn’t, of course, not even in the high cupboard which has never to your knowledge been opened until this minute when you open it. No library card, but perched alone on a single saucer is one of those plastic Easter eggs, a green one, normally used for containing a few jelly beans or some chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. You pick it up and pop it open. A tiny cloud of green mist rises. You swoon, stagger, fall. You wake up in a dome of woven twigs. You hear a sigh from somewhere behind you. You turn your head to look. There she is. You die.

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THE IRENE AND MYRNA KWIZ ANSWER

December 30, 2016

Irene’s secret of being an alien from the planet Goph in the 8th dimension was faithfully kept by Myrna, herself an alien from the 6th dimension planet Ortolus.

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THE IRENE AND MYRNA KWIZ

December 29, 2016

In this photo Myrna and Irene are:

a. discussing fruitcake recipes.

b. deciding which of them will hide the flea circus in Eddie Cantor’s shoes.

c. considering possible consequences in carrying out the darker aspects of their plans for world domination.

d. revealing that Irene has no pulse and is, in fact, an alien from the planet Xoph in the 8th dimension.

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