MASON JARR

October 5, 2015

Mason Jarr felt certain of one thing, and one thing only. If he remained perfectly still, all would be fine. He hired brutes to tie him upright to the wall and tube him extensively so that he could not and would not move. He spent three years motionless attached to the wall, and all was […]

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DELVIN

September 29, 2015

Delvin lowered the green visor into place. The countdown continued. He shortened, flexing his knees in preparation for the leap. At zero, he hurled himself into the ether, hugging hard his torso and pressing his chin to his chest. A silent minute seemed an empty eternity. Then he felt the slow collapse into syrup. An […]

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SOLIPSISM

September 21, 2015
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solipsism embedded in perfume self-negating ombudsmen need not apply the pen of your aunt is not i repeat not on the table

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – NERO

September 20, 2015
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Loon: Today for the 3 question interview we welcome the ghost of the famous Roman emperor, Nero. Your Royal Elevatedness, welcome. Do you speak American? Nero’s ghost: Si, amigo. Loon: Uh, I mean American like in Omaha. Do you speak that? Nero’s ghost: But of course. I speak everything. I’m a genius. Loon: What is […]

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SHOEMAKER

September 18, 2015

Trying not to display the significant amount of trepidation she felt, Shoemaker entered the bait shop. A swift glance found the proprietor seated behind a neatly cluttered counter. Snagged in frozen avalanche down the face of his many pocketed canvas vest were legions of feathered barbs. ‘Moving down or up or not is what the […]

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THE DUNE

September 12, 2015

You crawl up the dune on hands and knees. Your clothes are in tatters. Your heart hammers in your chest, and your breathing is labored, like a faltering steam engine trying to haul a hundred cars of coal against a furious shrieking wind. Why are you there? You don’t know. You don’t remember. You are […]

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THE JOHN CAMERON SWAYZE KWIZ

September 10, 2015
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When broadcasting the news, John Cameron Swayze always: a. wore a coat, tie, and purple velvet knickers. b. carried a handkerchief with the word ‘ghoul’ written on it in blood. c. had 3 pencils arranged to form a triangle to his left on the desk. d. wept inwardly.

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THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

September 6, 2015

On cue, the streetlamps exploded, and the tiny reindeer emerged from the fake buffalo and fanned out to take their positions. The slim young man wearing boots with turnover tops nodded, and the secondary display unfurled, bats chittering down the wall of the stable and the insane monkey turning flips up and down the alley. […]

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THE H. RIDER HAGGARD KWIZ

September 2, 2015
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H. Rider Haggard’s nanny struck terror and obedience into the hearts of her young charges by snatching from a high shelf and brandishing a cruel doll known to all the children as: a. Mrs. Stab b. Deathly Singer, Bringer of Plague c. She Who Must Be Obeyed d. Alice No Throat

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MAGIC POTION RECIPE

July 22, 2015
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To make this versatile potion, good for invisibility or flight, you will need the following: 1 clarinet 1 steel flagon 3 seeds of any kind (doubt works well) a blue bowl filled half with water from a roaring cataract and half with empty 2 pinches and 1 poke of dirt Start by placing the clarinet […]

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