CHARLES OF THE PANTRY

April 17, 2019

Charles rarely emerges from the lower pantry, and on those occasions when he does, the staff bolts pell mell in every possible direction. Charles has that sort of an effect on sentient creatures of any stripe. Stone cold fact. Last Tuesday, so I’m told, Charles emerged, and the staff bolted, all save Buddy, the footman’s […]

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INCIDENT IN THE OLD WEST

April 14, 2019

In the Old West, where men were men and so were the women, Clarence Forbes shot a house. Spooked by a varmint, Clarence launched himself momentarily skyward, and when he returned to rest on solid ground, he unburdened his holster of pistol and shot a house. While his intent was to send to eternal rest […]

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THE BEAST’S PARTY

March 12, 2019

The beast with five eyes entertained lavishly, sparing no expense. Chandeliers hung from chandeliers. Each footman was issued a pair of smiling Irish eyes and a gold-studded thermometer. Every member of the kitchen staff was frosted with live minks. On arrival, guests were dipped in a large vat of chocolate and ushered into the main […]

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AN INCIDENT

March 6, 2019

The storm lashing the town at noon went completely undetected. Ten minutes earlier: Tim Ketchum wore a carbon cap. James Billet tickled the lame rabbit. The Widow Hanley was seen brandishing a knife at Monroe Harper. The stones stacked at the end of Main Street disappeared one at a time into Tredmont’s Saloon. Ed Tilton […]

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SNAGGLETUSKS

January 12, 2019

The new queen moved through her gathered horde of subjects in stately dignity flanked by her green bladed bodyguards. Individual blossoms shoved and jostled to gain position for a better view. ‘They say she has snaggletusks. Can you see? Does she have snaggletusks?’ asked a young bloom hopelessly blocked somewhere on the outerest edge of […]

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NUDD NETTLE

December 30, 2018

Nudd Nettle glanced to his left. He wished to ascertain if the fellow over there was armed. A glint off a rifle barrel told him all he needed to know. A spinning leap and dive brought Nudd Nettle’s jaw crashing against a good sized rock. Rendered unconscious, Nudd sprawled at the path’s edge. One of […]

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HOLIDAY TRIFFID NOIR

December 25, 2018

The surliest triffid, Maltho Tippera, established itself in all innocence surrounded by lovely flowers next to the garden’s path. It awaited the morning revelers skipping by in their holiday finery. The attack was precisely planned. Happiness was something Maltho Tippera explicitly prohibited in its domain. The triffid waited and waited. The revelers, by fortune and […]

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THE SOLSTICE SNOWFLAKE

December 22, 2018

The snowflakes gathered in the cloud to hear the final decision. Which one would win the honor to fall first on winter solstice? The chatting din subdued when the Grand Snowflake took position one small span beyond and above the eager crowd. ‘Flakes of beauty, welcome,’ said the Grand Snowflake. ‘Each one of you, no […]

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THE TREE OF 5 OWLS

May 7, 2018

Calinda took great pride in her status, for she was the finest seamstress in the land. Summoned to work on the Royal finery for all celebrations, grand to intimate, she moved with slow dignity with a half smile playing at her lips while Queens, princesses, ladies-in-waiting chattered hopes for fabulous gowns into her ears. So, […]

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THE WEAK KING

April 21, 2018

The King of the flat land west of the hills was small and weak. He spoke so softly that the royal lip reader was more important than the prime minister or the Queen. Owing to the facts that neither the prime minister nor the Queen possessed patience enough to learn lip reading and they both […]

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