Anvil in a Lace Bootie

has very little to do with this convention of alien death pods meeting to discuss a variety of nefarious plans.

Anyone who tells a lie has not a pure heart, and cannot make a good soup. – Ludwig van Beethoven

Everything was under control. From Cape Fear and ummmm, no, it wasn’t.

Their IQs were high and UFO sightings moderately low.

The Hovick sisters: a. kept a large net handy for when Mama went a little bit ‘off’. b. ,before hitting the big time, lived on orange rinds and bread dust for weeks on end. c. were as normal as blueberry pie spiked with vodka and chocolate chips. d. had IQs of 170 and UFO sightings […]

The sun, like a malevolent Belgian horse, rose savagely over the surly sea. ‘Ain’t licked yet, you bent rusty excuse for a literate worm!’ croaked Tarleton Skrebble, his sanity lacking defiance lifting feebly from the bobbing raft. ‘Hell you ain’t!’ boomed the suddenly appearing mega whale of death.

A lifelong baseball fan, young Maggie loved maintaining the scorebook for her town’s local nine.

When Maggie was a young kindergarten teacher she often spent her weekends: a. perfecting a cackle she had a hunch might come in handy some day. b. as official scorekeeper of the local baseball nine. c. supplementing her income by constructing and selling scarecrows. d. on outings with the Sky Bandits, a club of hot […]

The Red River Demon, Laffering Peglet, his face a mask of dripping fangs, shoved several stacks of chips forward. ‘I call,’ he slurred from his rancid throat. Partridge ‘The Mole’ Hanratty showed his hand, three aces and a pair of threes. ‘Nice,’ hissed Laffering Peglet, his face a compendium of flashing daggers, ‘but not quite […]