Anvil in a Lace Bootie

The ouzel was not pleased with the tone of the interview and stomped off in a rage.

This ouzel:

a. had nothing to do with the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.

b. planned the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.

c. is marching to Georgia.

d. is not pleased.

Charles rarely emerges from the lower pantry, and on those occasions when he does, the staff bolts pell mell in every possible direction. Charles has that sort of an effect on sentient creatures of any stripe. Stone cold fact.

Last Tuesday, so I’m told, Charles emerged, and the staff bolted, all save Buddy, the footman’s harbor dog. Time passed. The staff dared to creep back after Mills, the butler, observed through his binoculars and commented on the closing of the lower pantry door.

They buried the paws, the lone remnants of Buddy. The footman wept and vowed revenge. On the following day, they gathered most of the footman’s torso and buried it next to Buddy’s paws while Frida, the cook, worked on the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle. The parlor maid played the harmonium.

All right, I’ll admit it. It’s splendid to be rich and Charles. I like it in the lower pantry despite my random blackouts. It’s the anger, you see. The anger, I tell you.

when flowers become butterflies

and butterflies become flowers

we will walk in dreams

of enchanted bowers

In the Old West, where men were men and so were the women, Clarence Forbes shot a house. Spooked by a varmint, Clarence launched himself momentarily skyward, and when he returned to rest on solid ground, he unburdened his holster of pistol and shot a house. While his intent was to send to eternal rest the varmint that had spooked him, the lone result of his action was a shot house. The varmint skedaddled when the shot rang out, and the house harbored a grudge for the remainder of its days. As for Clarence Forbes, he ran for sheriff and was defeated by a pail of lager. Folks in those days weren’t much for having real live human beings in elected positions. Look around. Who can blame them?

The mirror regarded its contract with the evil queen to be legally binding and, in addition, feared her possible response if it broke the contract.

In answer to Margarita’s question about the fairest of them all, the mirror says:

a. ‘You will be.’

b. ‘You’re good to go now, but wait ’til later.’

c. ‘Solomon’s got the rep, but there’s this really fair guy in Billings, Montana. So it’s a tossup.’

d. ‘I’m under contractual obligation to hype the evil queen’s beauty. Sorry.’

The Lizard of Gauze

Once upon a time a cruel carpenter and his savage beast set out to find and subsequently steal the Cube of Flavors from the Tree of Pensive Contemplation, which, according to legendary lore, grew somewhere east of the Great Chambered Mountain of Ken. Unfortunately for the evil pair, they fell into a Spanish ravine within the first half hour of their journey and were consumed by the Thunder Bull Lizard of Gauze. The Lizard, on the other hand, scuttled quite merrily across river and dale and roy and trigger, finding and subsequently consuming the Cube of Happy Flavors and the Tree of Pensive Contemplation before moseying back to live forever in the Great Chambered Mountain of Ken. Ken was quite perturbed, and rightly so.