Anvil in a Lace Bootie

She regretted paying the sorcerer for that glimpse into the 21st century.

Phyllis reacts when her unveiled Valentine turns out to be:

a. Hitler.

b. a churning mass of vipers.

c. a rhinoceros.

d. a glimpse of the future.

“Well, lop off my arms and call me Venus.”

“Well, get out the razor and render me hairless.”

“Well, dip me in vinegar and call me salad.”

the birthday of charles darwin is a many splendored thing

like rattlesnakes and barkeeps and a random drunken king

the birthday of charles darwin is a time to sit and muse

on the prospect of going shopping for a brand new pair of shoes

happy birthday, charles

1. ‘May your retinas be irreversibly damaged.’
2. ‘Get leprosy.’
3. ‘Slice off a finger.’

Loon: What a privilege it is to welcome Thomas Hardy to this week’s Celebrity Ghost 3 Question Interview. I can’t help but ask if you were related to Stan Laurel. Were you related to Stan Laurel?

Hardy’s ghost: Not in the least. Why don’t you ask me something sensible?

Loon: Too bad about Laurel. I am told you made up stories about somebody named Tess and somebody named Jude. Wouldn’t Penny and Alan have been better name choices?

Hardy’s ghost: Possibly.

Loon: Finally, did you ever attend a 3 Ring Circus?

Hardy’s ghost: Day in and day out for the duration of my existence.

Loon: Thank you and good-bye.

(Loon inexplicably pirouettes from the room. Hardy’s ghost flutters a ghostly tie and fades.)

Her Daddy would not buy her a bow-wow.

Jessie was pensive wearing her outdoor dining ensemble because:

a. Daddy wouldn’t buy her a bow-wow.

b. her sister got to wear a gaudier costume.

c. her elephant died.

d. she lost her Rudyard Kipling autographed cricket bat.

grape>>>>>>>yada yada>>>>>>>raisin

plum>>>>>>>yada yada>>>>>>>prune