IN THE TIME OF WEALTH

April 29, 2014
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Every morning the eccentric billionaire descends the grand stairway and announces his name to the assembled staff. On each occasion the name announced is different. On this morning he says, ‘My name is Beak Hickenlooper.’ At this, the staff bows or curtsies, according to gender. The housekeeper then slips away to the dining room, where […]

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HISTORY

April 28, 2014

Way back 2 days ago this was the scene. Today not a trace of the white stuff remains.

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MAMA GAIA GETS ALL GUSSIED UP

April 26, 2014
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THE SVENGALI KWIZ ANSWER

April 25, 2014

The ravens on set were extremely well behaved. Mesmerized, one might say.

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THE SVENGALI KWIZ

April 24, 2014
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Taking on the role of Svengali, John Barrymore stayed in character by: a. running amok through a local dairy. b. hypnotizing ravens to do his bidding. c. poking random strangers in the eye with his beard. d. igniting small brush fires with his gaze. e. beginning each day by eating a bowl of swan’s eyes.

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FRED DAFFODIL, PRIVATE EYE

April 22, 2014
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Morning slapped me like a deranged walrus. My brain felt like it had been chopped and pureed by a band of angry aphids wielding barbed flails. ‘You’re an angel,’ I croaked when Wanda, my secretary, whose petals had seen the seedier side of the San Fernando Valley, poured a pitcher of gin down my face. […]

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – GOGOL

April 20, 2014

Loon: We have a writer I think I’ve heard of today for the 3 question interview, Mr. Nick Gogol. Tell me, Nick, is there a question you would like me to ask? Gogol’s ghost: The Roman Nose Replacement saluted his inner thigh. Loon: Did he? Gogol’s ghost: Not really, but he should have. Loon: Do […]

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IF YOU GOT IT, FLAUNT IT

April 19, 2014
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HENDERSON

April 17, 2014
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Henderson rose from the chair, advanced to the center of the room, paused, thrust his right leg forward, and stood stock still for a time balanced in this peculiar manner. ‘I do this sometimes,’ he said before he returned to the chair. His guests departed rapidly.

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TRICKSTER SENTENCE

April 15, 2014

Peaches Lamborghini delicately slipped the dagger between the ribs of the umbrella.

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