FREE LEFTOVER NOVEL TITLES
May 12, 2015
Broken Cantaloups
Darkness At First Light
Falling Through Candy
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GIFTS
May 11, 2015
They gave him some popcorn
They gave him a rake
They gave him 3 pieces of pie
They gave him a warning to be out of town by the 31st day of July
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PERKINS AND THE MILD MANNERED BLOWFISH
May 10, 2015
The last thing Perkins expected to see was a mild mannered blowfish sitting across the table from her in the Automat. For this reason she froze in place with the hash loaded fork midway on its journey to her mouth.
‘Don’t be alarmed, young lady. The day couldn’t be lovelier. The weather couldn’t be nicer. I thought I’d join you for no other reason than serendipity. In short, you look pleasant to me,’ said the blowfish.
‘Thank you?’ Perkins managed to say, lowering her fork.
‘I know, I know, I know. Surprising, what? To see a blowfish not unfamiliar with the art of conversation here all large as life in the Automat. My name is Puffer, by the way,’ said the blowfish, nodding.
‘I’m Gale?’ said Perkins, uncertain about the status of her sanity. ‘You’re not in water. How …’
‘Well, Gale, pleased to meet you, and let me say it like this. Water is pretty much overrated as a living environment. I can take it or leave it. I mostly leave it, as you can see. I’m in the insurance game. Why? I worry about people like yourself, young women on the go, rush, rush, who knows …’
The attendants, clad in white, entered the Automat and efficiently straitjacketed and removed Perkins to the waiting ambulance.
‘What was that all about, I wonder? Poor girl was just sitting there alone not bothering anybody,’ said one Automat diner to another.
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A RUDOLPH VALENTINO KWIZ ANSWER
May 8, 2015
Rudy really wanted that last veal cutlet.
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A RUDOLPH VALENTINO KWIZ
May 7, 2015
Rudolph is thinking:
a. ‘How dare you take the last veal cutlet?’
b. ‘Why, I oughta…’
c. ‘You will allow me to check out this book even though the library closed a few minutes ago.’
d. ‘As a matter of fact, I do know what happened to the missing cat.’
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LAVENDER MASSES
May 6, 2015
THE PROBLEMATICAL WALRUS
May 5, 2015
Stennis was somewhat taken aback when he arrived at work only to find a walrus blocking the entrance to his cubicle. Feigning a lack of concern, he dallied at the water cooler frantically calculating his options.
‘Nice walrus,’ said Artemis, passing by. ‘Had it long?’
‘Huh? Oh yeah. Thanks,’ mumbled Stennis.
‘Harold, what a handsome walrus. Is it really yours?’ said Melody, stepping close to Stennis, causing him to lose any train of thought he might have been boarding.
‘Actually, it belongs to my aunt. I’m kind of looking after it while she’s in Billings, Montana on trial for something or other,’ lied Stennis.
‘Can I help you bathe it? I’ve always dreamed of bathing a walrus,’ cooed the lovely Melody.
‘Oh, I’ve always wanted to take a bath with you … I mean, that is to say … yes, let’s bathe the walrus,’ stammered Stennis.
Walking the walrus to his apartment was no picnic, but Stennis was nevertheless in heaven as he and Melody accomplished the task.
Soon they were married and lived happily ever after with the walrus and a horse they bought later.
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DEFIANCE
May 4, 2015
Sure. Go ahead and saw my head off. Think that’ll stop me from blooming? Think again, smart guy.
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ANOTHER FLANN O’BRIEN GEM
May 3, 2015
I retched slightly, making a noise with my throat similar to that utilized by persons in the article of death.
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5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
