June 6, 2009
definition:
jake leg – a paralysis caused by drinking improperly distilled or contaminated liquor
“Hang it all, Jeeves, it’s happened again. Why don’t I listen to you?”
“That is a query I often contemplate, sir. Which leg is it this time?”
“Both.”
“Most unfortunate, sir.”
“I don’t care. Carry me to my room, Jeeves. I vow to get the hang of this distilling business, come jake leg, jake legs, jake arms, jake head!”
“It is a truth that fortune does sometimes smile on those who persevere.”
“Sometimes?”
“That has been my experience.”
“There’s hope then?”
“One could surmise so, sir.”
June 6, 2009
The Frightened Dolphin
Several bored juvenile dolphins were hanging about the kelp beds mocking eels when of a sudden Crazy Stanley came rushing up.
“They’re after us! Quick! Follow me!” raved the wild-eyed dolphin.
Melissa, she of the graceful fins, sighed and bumped Crazy Stanley gently on the jaw. “Stanley,” she said, “they’re clouds. Only clouds. They can’t hurt you.”
“Ha! That’s what they WANT you to think! Quick! To the Maldives! I know some caves where we can hide!” urged frantic Stanley, speeding in a tight circle around the juveniles before breaking off to race on a line toward the Indian Ocean.
“Ha ha, Crazy Stanley.”
“Ha ha, stupid eels.”
The dolphins lolled, laughing and rib bumping, all but Melissa. She swam off after Crazy Stanley.
“Where are you going, Melissa? Maldives?” sang out Celeste, and all the juveniles rolled in laughter.
“As a matter of fact, yes,” called Melissa with a flip of her comely tail.
The juvenile dolphins shrugged as best they could and returned to taunting the eels.
Moral: The chicks dig an earnest oddball if he’s movie star gorgeous.
June 5, 2009
It’s in the bag, kid. His right hand’s nothin’, just like I told you.
