BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – MIKE FINK
Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension tell me they’ll be sending a frontiersman named Mike Fink for the 3 question interview. I see no sign of Mr. … oh, wait. Here he is. (Fink’s ghost materializes.) Welcome, Mr. Fink. Tell me, what sort of a frontiersman were you?
Fink’s ghost: Why, I was the roughest, toughest, polecat-stranglingest, king of the riveriest, mountain leveling with blows of my giant fistsiest, orneriest, strongest man or beast, dead or alive, ever to tie snakes together to make a belt and mix leftover bear parts to drink with hot buttered tar and bricks. That’s who I am, pipsqueak.
Loon: Oh. On what frontier did you station yourself?
Fink’s ghost: You name it, I was there, bigger, taller, faster, smarter than any 5 puny pipsqueaks stuffed together in barrel hoops. And I done it, too.
Loon: Done … er, did what?
Fink’s ghost: Used to clump 5 pipsqueaks together in barrel hoops and troll for whales. Caught me quite a few, punched ’em silly, and sent ’em off as minnows. Haw! Haw! Haw!
Loon: That’s all for today. (races from room)
Fink’s ghost: Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! (eventually fades away, vehemently laughing)
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