ADEQUATE COMPANION
During his lifelong search for an adequate companion, Jasper Tubbs once mistakenly thought he had succeeded. On a page with two columns, one headed ‘positives’ and one headed ‘negatives’, he had ticked off 8 items on the ‘positives’ side and 1 on the ‘negatives’. On the ‘positives’ side: elbows rounded in a pleasing manner, neck more or less centrally located between shoulders, likes clams, knows Oliver Hardy’s mother’s maiden name, hates swimming and anybody who likes swimming, has a magnet collection, wears glasses held together with duct tape, prefers making demons in the snow to making angels in the snow. The lone item in the ‘negatives’ column: towels not monogrammed ‘its’ and ‘?’. The item in the ‘negatives’ column had been, alas, insurmountable, and Jasper Tubbs had moved on in his never ending quest to find an adequate companion.
