Chicken Piano 117 chicken breasts 1 piano Pound the chicken breasts with a sledge hammer until your own breast is heaving with exhaustion. Scrape up the resultant slime with a snow shovel and deposit it adjacent to, but not touching, your favorite piano. Smooth with trowel. Sit yourself down at the piano. Play ‘Kitten on […]
Loon: Our ghost supplied by the Lords of the 4th Dimension this week for the 3 Question Interview is John Muir, a famous person of note. Mr. Muir, your boots look well broken in. Are they comfortable? Muir’s ghost: Aye, that they are. Loon: Where can I get a pair? Muir’s ghost: I dinna ken. […]
“You’re probably bewildered as to why I’m gathered here. In short, that is to say, in summary, I put it to all of you on equal, if not harmonious, footing, that the murderer is about to be revealed by none other than me, yours truly, speak name here … Wait, sorry, I’ll go again from […]
Herm and Nat were notorious practical jokers and did hot foot stuff and other things like that a lot.
Herman Melville: a. had a farm, e i e i o. b. had no farm, e i e i o. c. once gave Nat Hawthorne a hot foot.
50 beeves 8 cannons plenty of ammo Dig a trench 100 yards long. Herd beeves into same. Array all 8 cannons in a line 1/2 mile distant from trench. Load and discharge cannons. Repeat until ammo is consumed. Take your favorite spoon across no man’s land and dig in.
“Sow wheat in the fields where my sow used to roam,” decreed the King after he wound the bandage around his arm wound. “Yes, sire,” said the lackey. “Bow when you address me, and hand me that bow,” snarled the King. “Yes, sire,” said the lackey, bowing. “Sire?” said the jester, bowing his viola da […]
consider the cow bovine lady ranch roaming dairy queen consider the cow pre-pasteurized cream creator hooved hamburger consider the cow for elected office raise the IQ of a lawmaking body
Actor: Line? Prompter: To be or not. Actor: To be or not … Line? Prompter: To be. Actor: Huh? Prompter: To be or not to be. Actor: Oh, yeah. To be or not to be … To be or not to be … To be … or not to be … … Prompter: That. Actor: […]
The professor’s cat moved with lark-like civility down the hallway. Plel Lolman smiled with his wooden mouth. Widow Chirp, the landlady, ladled dollops of treason pie onto broken dishes. The professor remained in his room twirling a mackerel in anticipation of Crimson Bloodhound Day. Mavis, the parlor maid, sat in the boiler room eating a […]
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
