RUNNING BOARDS

January 17, 2016

During my early childhood years, cars still had running boards, but I never saw anybody actually run on one.

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MT. SNOWPLOW

January 16, 2016

2016-01-15 10.21.02

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E BEVERINGTON LATTIMORE

January 15, 2016

E Beverington Lattimore got on his horse and rode to the store.

E Beverington Lattimore purchased 3 shirts and not one shirt more.

E Beverington Lattimore returned to his shed by the lake’s eastern shore.

E Beverington Lattimore, though now rich in shirts, in rings remained poor.

E Beverington Lattimore got on his horse and rode to the store.

E Beverington Lattimore bought 50 rings for his darling Lenore.

Oh, joyously swooned darling Lenore, the future Mrs. Lattimore.

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SNOW FANS

January 14, 2016

2016-01-13 11.08.07

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WORD PICTURE

January 13, 2016

firemen

platter of donuts

policemen

bookie

gamblers

model with starter’s pistol

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SENTENCES WEIGHED, FOUND WANTING, DISCARDED

January 12, 2016
  1. He was so frightened that his interior rapidly became his exterior.
  2. He lifted two catamarans, one in each hand, and advanced to purchase a ticket.
  3. Researching why he was unable to move, he discovered to his surprise that he was steel encased from the neck down.
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HOW TO TAME A WATERMELON

January 11, 2016

Always approach with a friendly smile. Keep the leash hidden behind your back as you sidle closer. Recite poetry, preferably something from Emily Dickinson or Edward Lear, in a soothing manner. Observe sharply the watermelon. Is it trembling or backing off while nervously pawing the ground? If so, freeze in silence until the watermelon calms. Then leap, adroitly attaching the leash and then hanging on for dear life. When the watermelon tires, it will stand still, sulking. Reward it with nutmeg and step away. Repeat daily for several months.

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A SENTENCE BY VLADIMIR NABOKOV

January 10, 2016

You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.

Thus spake the repugnant narrator of Nabokov’s Lolita.

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THE OLD MAN LIMERICK

January 9, 2016

There once was a very old man

who said, ‘Over this gate jump I can.’

He got a good running start.

Then attacked him his heart.

That hadn’t been part of the plan.

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THE ACCORDION KWIZ ANSWER

January 8, 2016

Guennivierre had the blacksmith banished from Camelot for inventing the accordion.

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