ELEGANCE IGNORING A GROUP OF HER TINY ADORING CRIMSON FANS
July 23, 2015
MAGIC POTION RECIPE
July 22, 2015
To make this versatile potion, good for invisibility or flight, you will need the following:
1 clarinet
1 steel flagon
3 seeds of any kind (doubt works well)
a blue bowl filled half with water from a roaring cataract and half with empty
2 pinches and 1 poke of dirt
Start by placing the clarinet on the ground. Jump up and down on it until you are tired. Then bash it to pieces with the steel flagon and place the largest bits in the blue bowl. Sweep the smaller bits away, as you will have no need for them, and you wouldn’t want to step on them later with your bare feet. Your feet are bare, aren’t they? Good. That is important. You may now dispose of the steel flagon in any manner you choose, for its role in the recipe has been completed. You now add to the blue bowl with its clarinet bits and water the 2 pinches of dirt. In the poke of dirt plant the 3 seeds. Pour the contents of the bowl over the poke and seeds. Go off into a corner and wait. When the hand of time has strangled a week or more, pluck the strange orange leaf which by now is waving from the poke. Chew it. Spit it out into the palm of your right hand. Smear it across your forehead. Dance around, waving your arms. Don’t be shy. You are now invisible. To fly, simply double the recipe.
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NOT OVERLY POMPOUS
July 21, 2015
It your neighbor is pompous, but not overly pompous, refer to him as falutin instead of highfalutin.
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TALLAC WITHOUT ITS T
July 20, 2015
Across the lake Mount Tallac feels naked without its usual trademark T of snow.
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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – AL JOLSON
July 19, 2015
Loon: This morning the lords of the 4th dimension have invited for the 3 question interview an entertainer of some note, I am told, from the vaudeville days in the early 20th century. His name is Al Jolson. Mr. Jolson, why were you famous?
Jolson’s ghost: You ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
Loon: I know. So why were you famous?
Jolson’s ghost: Listen, kid, if you want me to sing, go ahead and ask. Otherwise, scram.
Loon: Sorry. No offense meant. So you sang, did you?
Jolson’s ghost: Say, what is this? I was greater than great, the best. Brother, I stopped the show every single time.
Loon: Would you sing a song for me?
Jolson’s ghost: Show me some dough, and I might warble a bar or two. Otherwise, forget it.
Loon: That’s all we have time for. Thank you, Mr. Jolson.
Jolson’s ghost: Shut up.
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DIAMOND JIM LEDBETTER
July 18, 2015
Diamond Jim Ledbetter spread the pat of butter carefully on the piece of marble rye toast. He then cut the toast in half neatly on the diagonal and arranged the newly created pair of triangular foodstuffs on the blue platter next to the perfect omelet. Whisking away a few stray crumbs with his serviette, he paused a moment to admire the culinary perfection of his achievement. He lifted the plate and advanced to the card table to present the morning offering of sustenance to his wife. She glanced up, swept the playing cards from in front of her to the floor and said, ‘Put her there, Jimbo.’ Diamond Jim placed the offering on the table and withdrew to his corner, where he observed, heart in throat, his spouse stuffing with eager hands globs of egg and torn bits of toast into her mouth, chewing and whimpering all the while. Diamond Jim smiled his crooked satisfied smile. Another day in life had gotten off to a promising start.
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UNUSUAL WARNINGS
July 16, 2015
‘Close the barn door, Maddie, they’re comin’ for the stump.’ (genre? amputee western)
‘Step aside if you don’t want to be clobbered by flying elephants.’ (genre? science fantasy)
‘I wouldn’t do that, pal, if you plan on auditing more tax evasion classes any time soon.’ (genre? wall street noir)
‘Be careful, Lance. The castle isn’t insured.’ (genre? practical romance)
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A TRIFFID ALL GUSSIED UP
July 15, 2015
All gussied up with dangling accoutrements, here is a triffid on its way to attend the birthday celebration honoring the triffid queen.
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By this guy (grown old):
dochorton - at - live - dot - com
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5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
