August 10, 2011
One day Clyde leaned on his hoe instead of chopping at the weeds in the garden. Why? His wife, as was her habit, was off gathering string, and Clyde tended to laze and dream when not lashed from task to task by his wife’s long barbed tongue.
“Help me, you great bullock!” cried a tiny voice from below.
With a jerk of his head, Clyde snapped out of his thoughtless stupor. He peered down to discover a wee man all tangled up in what Clyde recognized as one of his wife’s blue strings.
“Get me out of this, you dolt! I’ll grant you a wish if you’ll hop to it before we both age to dust,” said the wee man.
Quicker than that, Clyde unraveled the wee fellow, setting him free.
“Make haste and wish, lout. I’m already late for the Queen’s Owl Conference,” snapped the wee man.
“I wish my hat could sing,” said Clyde.
“Whatever,” muttered the wee man before he jumped up and ran away through the hedge.
And so it came to pass that Clyde’s wife, after hearing from his foolish lips the exciting news about the wee man and the wish, never spoke to him again, but his hat sang beautifully from morn to night, and all was as well as can be expected.
August 9, 2011
Due to be out next week is the loon’s saner self’s children’s fantasy e-book, The Woodlock, #4 of The Bekka Chronicles.
August 8, 2011
A man is blindfolded and led into a bakery. A bearclaw is placed in his left hand, a glazed buttermilk bar in his right.
Dilemma: When he visits his sister next week, should he drive as he promised his mother, or should he fly as he promised his father?
August 6, 2011
When he brought her back to me, she was still screaming, so I wrung her neck.
Well, this is rather alarming behavior for a fine 13-year old lad at the turn of the 13th century until I inform you that the ‘he’ is a dog and the ‘she’ is a rabbit.
August 5, 2011
“Ha-harrrr, me hearty, come aboard then. Step lively. Health coverage on this here vessel be including all the hooks and peg legs your black heart may desire.”
August 4, 2011
The answer is obviously ‘b’. I mean, come on.
August 3, 2011
Rod Serling:
a. tooled around L.A. on a skateboard.
b. had to be in some way somehow related to Sandy Koufax. I mean, come on.
c. could bowl (as in cricket) with either hand.
d. could float in the air, but chose not to.
e. once made Walt Disney cry .
August 2, 2011
Henry VIII Bette Davis
a nice juicy haunch
Hedda Hopper President Taft
Ambrose Bierce cannon
The participants were arrayed thusly in the field. Henry VIII, squired by Bette Davis, readied himself for the sprint, knees bent, flexing his fingers. President Taft, eagerly grinding his teeth and fairly trembling at the sight of the haunch, was restrained with some difficulty by his attendant, Hedda Hopper. When Ambrose Bierce touched off the cannon, the king and the president lunged into action. The outcome is pictured below.
President haunch Taft
Yes, Bette Davis, secretly worried about the king’s weight, had tripped him, thereby paving the way to victory for a gleeful Taft.
August 1, 2011
These young maces will thrive if sprinkled once a week with a cup of iron filings. When fully grown, they make splendidly well-balanced clubbing implements.
