March 17, 2010
The Martian Cornickles
At long last the creatures of Mars, the cornickles, made themselves known. Telepathic messages from the red planet arrived simultaneously in the minds of all human beings on the planet Earth. Unfortunately, the messages were delivered to Lapps in Japanese, to Finns in Xhosa, to Italians in Tibetan, etc. Therefore, only one Finnish anthropologist was thrown into panic, and she, sadly, chose to do away with herself rather than face the Martian cornickles. The cornickles expressed deep disappointment at the lack of response to their messages. Feeling as if they were left with no other option, the cornickles reluctantly aimed their Bradbury ray at Earth and put it to use. So a simple failure to communicate transformed the blue planet into an orbiting toasted marshmallow. I mean, like, you know.
March 16, 2010
1. She looked as new as a peeled egg.
2. There was a silence with things going on in it.
These sentences may be found in ‘Here We Are’, an uncommonly humorous short story. You might even, perish the thought, label it ELL OH ELL. A pair of newlyweds converse on the train taking them to their honeymoon destination. It’s that simple. It’s that brilliant. Kudos, Ms. Parker. Or kudus, if you prefer.
March 15, 2010
If your stomach is upset after eating Chinese food, might you be a victim of lo mein poisoning?
March 14, 2010
The Snow Queen recently installed this work of art around The Hole in the Ground.
March 13, 2010
Trembellina
Act 1 Scene 1
Trembellina Wafer, daughter of the Chapstick King, is reluctant to wed the barn owl her father has chosen for her. She sings about it and leaves on a goat for America. The goat sings the famous ‘Burden Song’.
Act 1 Scene 2
In an underground fortress, a chorus of demons sings of lust and vengeance. Barnabus, the cradle maker, enters on his magic cow. Barnabus and cow sing the plaintive ‘Where is My Violin?’ The demons disperse, weeping.
Act 2
Trembellina and Barnabus meet in Peoria, Illinois. It’s love at first sight, and they sing the unforgettable 49 minute duet, ‘How Splendid It is to Purchase Shoes’. They marry and die of happiness.
March 12, 2010
“He’s not quick, but check out the rotation he gets on his curve.”
March 11, 2010
Do you wonder why loons with nothing to say always insist on saying it? Is it because loons as a rule wear hats a size too small? Or is it because loons lack latches, in mind or matter, for their lips? As a practicing loon, I have nothing to say on the subject at hand, and so, of course, I’ve said it.
March 10, 2010
“Good day,” said the scarecrow in a rather husky voice.
That sentence up there is from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum. It is a nice example of his simple, playful writing style. Scarecrow. Corn field. Corn husk. Husky voice. Well done, Mr. Baum.
March 9, 2010
Host: Today we have with us the celebrated Berkshire Swine. Welcome, Swine.
Swine: Oink.
Host: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
Swine: Oink.
Host: Is it true that you have condensed the meaning of Finnegans Wake to a single vowel?
Swine: Oink.
Host: How in the world did you, a Berkshire Swine, manage to become the greatest Shakespearean actor of our time? It truly boggles the mind.
Swine: Oink.
Host: Brilliant. I’m afraid that’s all the time we have. Thank you so much, Swine.
Swine: You’re most welcome.
