A SENTENCE BY ROBERT BENCHLEY

March 27, 2010

‘It would be impossible to stoop all about the cellar picking up the vagrant pieces that had flown away, even if the blow of the shovel against the furnace had not temporarily paralyzed your hand and caused you to devote your entire attention to the coining of new and descriptive pictures.’

This fine sentence takes place after a shovel of coal has been thrust unsuccessfully toward the open door of the furnace in the essay “Thoughts on Fuel Saving’.

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CARTOON FRIDAY 43

March 26, 2010

“One more ad lib like that and you’re out of the act.”

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ENTICEMENT BLURB

March 25, 2010

The loon and the son of the loon acted in cahoots to produce the following blurb for the upcoming e-book, Bekka of Thorns.

On the world of Boad, Bekka and Karro of Thorns, a pair of young hedge-dwellers, dare to leave the tunnels and bowers of home to seek adventure in the Woeful Wanderers’ Wasteland. Their goal is to search the wasteland and find the lost city of Rumin — a strange choice for members of their clan, who stick close to the hedge and fear open spaces.  Karro is known throughout the hedge as a silly clown.  Bekka, ever watchful, never chatty, is called Silent Bekka by all.  Misfits among their own kind, Bekka and Karro are bonded as dearest friends.  Together they speculate about the identity of their parents, a piece of knowledge kept hidden from all hedge-dwellers.  Bekka, a lover of legend and lore, is determined to find the mythical underground city of Rumin and to meet her share of strange creatures, but she is afraid to go alone.  She talks Karro into accompanying her, and the two step outside the hedge for the first time in their lives. They have no idea that their journey through the Woeful Wanderers’ Wasteland will uncover a wonderful secret much closer to home.

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ANTICIPATION

March 24, 2010

This is a sample of Mother Nature’s work from last year. The loon somewhat impatiently awaits the unveiling of her inspirations for this year.

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WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE KWIZ

March 23, 2010

If William Shakespeare were alive today, he would be:

a. selling radioactive Bibles.

b. lead singer for the angry rock band, Knot Tubies.

c. Sarah Palin’s #1 fan.

d. extremely elderly.

e. a sniper.

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A SENTENCE BY JAMES THURBER

March 22, 2010

‘A woman’s scream rose above the bedlam and suddenly a lovely, dark-haired girl was in Walter Mitty’s arms.’

Need I say more about ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’ by James Thurber? pocketa, pocketa, pocketa, perhaps.

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A ‘BEKKA OF THORNS’ FREE SAMPLE

March 21, 2010

We dug holes to sleep in at night.  The sun baked our heads in daytime, such was so, even as we walked on icy crunch gravel.  I decided to weave a sun blocker hat from the tough fibrous gray tufts of grass.  Thus did the brightness bother me so.  I pictured in my mind the hats of Cloverian honey traders, but made mine with a wider brim.  While I worked at braiding lengths of grass, Kar played with lumps of mud she dug from the edge of a cold muddy sludge bog choked with what I thought were probably gwinlods.  That means ‘razor reeds’.  They had sharp prickles.  Kar shouted “Gwinlods!” when we first saw ‘em.  Truth, I agreed.  Old Mondo’s Gwer drollek story of wanderers searching for Rumin was spiced with gwinlods, shardweg, and wenswag, so said razor reeds, mushworts, and lug vines.   You must be careful walking on lug vines.  They are slick.  Thus is so.  So said, to return to my thought, I wove a braided wide brim hat.  Kar didn’t need one.  She wore her pack on the top of her head and tied the tug lines under her chin. On the seven days so far of our wander in the W’s Three, we’d met no creatures other than each the other, and seen only high flying beeketbwen.  That means ‘beeketbirds’.  We’d traveled for a long enough time so such that Kar now wore her highboots on the proper feet and gave up hopping. Such very so, again, I wove a braided hat.  I put it on and leaned back on the slab of rock where I sat to watch Kar pile mud.


“What are you doing, Kar?” I asked.


“I am the first bendo dreen to wander in the W’s Three and make mud piles with a pack tied to the top of my head,” she replied.


She pretended to faint, falling face first into the mud.  After a nince, she rolled onto her back and put her ear glove into her mouth.


My next question for Kar went unasked, shut off in my throat, because right then there a thorn of shock stabbed me.


A muddy, tattered, ragged creature rose from the razor reeds in the bog.  It looked Boadlian.  I could see blue skin where it was smudging its face clean with the knuckles of its hands.  It opened wide round its common brown Boadlian eyes.


“EVERYWHERRRRRRRRRR!!” it shrieked.


Kar sat up.  I flinched down.  Such was so.


“I am the first bendo dreen with a pack on my head to talk to a muddy wanderer.  Woeful, are you?” asked Kar calmly after unspooling the ear glove like a red floppy tongue out of her mouth.


“EVERYWHERRRRRRRRRR!!” roared the mad creature, our first wanderer, truth.


I stayed low in place.  I trusted in Kar.


“It’s a riddle?  It’s an answer to a question?” wondered Kar, and she smeared her face and hair with mud.


“EVERYWHERRRRRRRRRR!!” repeated the screamer, and it jumped up and down, splashing and tearing at the razor reeds.  It growled and shook its face.


The yellow green fire blazed up in Kar’s ember eyes.  Such so!  She was challenged!  Never in the hedge had anyone ever been odder than Karro of Thorns.  She was the cracked melon, the jark dweg. The straight stiffness of her back told me she would not allow any such woeful wanderer to surpass her oddness, to douse her pride.  She jammed the ear glove up her nose.  She ran in little circles, flapping her arms and scrawking like a hedge hen.  She tore up razor reeds and stuffed ‘em down her shirt.  She ate mud and drooled it down her chin.  She leaped at the woeful wanderer and screamed, “NOWHERRRRRRRRRRRR!!”


The creature left the bog rapidly.  It departed, racing off as if on fire, waving its arms and yelping.  We watched until it disappeared in the distance.


“I wonder what it meant by ‘everywherrrrrr’?” mused Kar in a voice of triumph.


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CLOUD PAINTING

March 20, 2010

The old prospector says, “Danged if them clouds don’t look like they was painted by Winslow Homer or somethin’.”

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CARTOON FRIDAY 42

March 19, 2010

“Try to look fattening.”

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BEKKA OF THORNS

March 18, 2010

This is a rough sketch I made of the heroine who narrates my coming-soon-from-Wild Child Publishing children’s fantasy e-book, Bekka of Thorns. The editing is complete, and now Bekka nervously awaits the announcement of a specific publication date.

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