February 25, 2010
Monty: Now you can have this DVD of Into the Woods featuring the original Broadway cast with Tony Award winning actress Joanna Gleason, or you can have what’s behind the curtain. What’ll it be, Helen?
Audience of people dressed as robots, cats, toasters, melons, a salt shaker, Abraham Lincoln, a bunch of grapes, a chimney, pinking shears, etc.: ‘DVD!’ ‘Curtain!’ ‘Curtain!’ ‘Take the curtain!’ ‘The DVD!’
Woman in chicken costume (when shouting subsides): I’ll take the curtain, Monty.
Monty: Are you sure? Joanna Gleason? Tony Award winner?
Woman in chicken costume (nibbling the index finger of her left hand, fisted): The curtain.
Monty: All right, Helen, but first let me show you what you passed up. I open this DVD, and what do I see? Ladies and gentlemen, here are two crisp one billion dollar bills. (monumental moan from the audience. Woman in chicken suit blinks and sways. Monty supports her.) And now, open the curtain. Helen, you have won a year’s supply of dental floss. I’m sorry, my dear.
Woman in chicken costume (as she falls): Floss? (dies.)
Monty (hissing through clenched teeth): Serves you right for rejecting my daughter.
February 24, 2010
Greta Garbo:
a. collected cherry pits.
b. played hopscotch with Will Rogers.
c. generally wore roller skates to bed.
d. preferred to be blindfolded much of the time.
e. ran guns to Cuba using the alias ‘Albuquerque Al’.
f. could leap tall buildings and bend steel with her bare hands.
February 23, 2010
This innocuous photo of the outdoor ice rink in Heavenly Village at Lake Tahoe contains two unsolved mysteries. How is it that the loon is not only behind the camera taking the picture, but can also be seen in blue coat and dark glasses standing at the rink wall and gazing at the second unsolved mystery? The second unsolved mystery? Oh, yes, that fellow in black there. Looks suspiciously Russian to me. And what’s that he’s holding in his left hand? Could it be the secret plans to a world-destroying laser? Yes, it could. It probably is. I mean, consider his haircut.
February 22, 2010
This is a fuzzletong tree. What in tarnation is a fuzzletong tree? A fuzzletong tree grows on the world of Boad. Its berries are most important. Why is that? When mashed on the brow, they instantly cure the good witch, Babba Ja Harick, of her not infrequent bouts of catatonia.
February 21, 2010
Chandler: ‘The sunshine was as empty as a headwaiter’s smile.’
Hammett: ‘A switch clicked and a white bowl hung on three golden chains from the ceiling filled the room with light.’
Chandler: ‘She was thinking. I could see, even on that short acquaintance, that thinking was always going to be a bother to her.’
Hammett: ‘Spade stopped her with a palm-up motion of one hand. The upper part of his face frowned. The lower part smiled.’
Loon: ‘This doll didn’t simply enter the room. She happened to it. In triplicate.’
February 20, 2010
This sculptural field, The Hole in the Ground, is Lake Tahoe’s newest attraction. Originally meant to be a convention center and condominiums, it has been instead since January of 2008 this field of pillars. I’m sure the owners of the small businesses eminent domained off the property enjoy looking at the pillars and admiring the rebar. Lemon to lemonade and bankrupt project to field of sculpture.
February 19, 2010
“Care to nudge the needle a bit toward the unendangered end of the continuum?”
February 18, 2010
The storm lashing the town at noon went completely undetected.
Ten minutes earlier:
Tim Ketchum wore a carbon cap.
James Billet tickled the lame rabbit.
The Widow Hanley was seen brandishing a knife at Monroe Harper.
The stones stacked at the end of Main Street disappeared one at a time into Tredmont’s Saloon.
Ed Tilton adjusted his hat and scratched the end of his nose.
The Logan boys ducked out of sight. It was plain to see that they were up to no good.
Hark, Doc Selmon’s dog, trotted home.
The hovering spacecraft unsheathed its weapon.
February 17, 2010
On the imaginary world of Boad there lives an immortal kindly eccentric lavender witch named Babba Ja Harick. This is a little painting of her edible cottage deep in the Danken Wood. Edible cottage? Yes, Babba Ja Harick’s sister fled Boad long ago via a time travel portal to Earth and became the Hansel and Gretel witch. Oh yes, she did.
February 16, 2010
A drive-in movie theater used to live on this spot. I saw ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ here.
