October 8, 2016
‘Go along around about back up there to the hill. You’ll find the hermit’s cave on the other side beneath a little bluff. I always tell folks not to bother, but they don’t pay me much mind anyhow. So go along. I reckon everybody’s got to learn for their selves,’ said the gas station attendant in the lonely desert to the traveler.
The traveler nodded thanks and made his way through the low brush. The heat thrummed in waves. The traveler topped the hill and worked his way down the bluff. The cave beckoned. He slipped inside and squinted, waiting until he could clearly see the dim corner where the hermit sat facing the wall. The traveler cleared his throat. The hermit spoke.
‘I did something once, and I didn’t enjoy it. So I’m never doing anything ever again,’ said the hermit.
The traveler waited, then again cleared his throat.
‘I did something once, and I didn’t enjoy it. So I’m never doing anything ever again,’ repeated the hermit.
The traveler backed out of the cave and returned to the gas station.
‘Satisfied?’ asked the attendant, winking.
‘Some,’ said the traveler, and he stepped to his car, got in, and drove off.
The hermit sat motionless in the dim corner of the cave.
October 7, 2016
An encounter with Walter Brennan could be frightening.
October 6, 2016
In this photo, Peter Bogdanovich and Orson Welles:
a. are contemplating mayhem.
b. are unprepared when Joan Rivers interrupts their snack shopping.
c. are rehearsing for The Odd Couple and receiving unwanted suggestions from the director.
d. are wary at the approach of Walter Brennan.
October 5, 2016
Pageant officials discovered that Miss Representation was not all she claimed to be.
October 3, 2016
Spone Madagascar peeled the duct tape from his neck with care. He crumpled it into a lump of dull gray and dropped it out the window. Now able to turn his attention wholly to the surrounding cobras, he moved his hands in gentle sway, a mesmerizing rhythm. The cobras followed with dead lead eyes and wobbled in graceful harmony. Spone flashed to the window sill and leaped for freedom. Landing with a tuck and roll beyond the fence, he was up and running wild for the river. Over the hill and through the woods he dashed, ears perked to receive the slightest sound of pursuit. The river rolled into view. Swiftly he plunged in and down, transforming to great fish, glints of silver sparking from his writhing sides.
‘Dang, it got away,’ gasped the farmer’s daughter, arriving too late at the river’s bank.
October 2, 2016
Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension have seen fit to send to us for today’s 3 Question Interview a French writer and philosopher named John Paul Sart. If I may call you John, John, are you related in any way at all to an American sea person named John Paul Jones?
Sartre’s ghost: No.
Loon: I see. Given that, do you like to swim?
Sartre’s ghost: To swim is to be nothing or something.
Loon: Oh. How do you like being dead?
Sartre’s ghost: To be dead is to be alive. To be alive is to be dead.
Loon: Thank you for clearing that up and being our guest on The 3 Question Interview.
(Sartre’s ghost swims off into nothingness. The Loon remains in place, grinning.)
September 30, 2016
Laughing Karl experienced a serious uptick in business after this advertisement debuted.
September 29, 2016
These three fellows playing cards are being paid to advertise:
a. Old Lamp Cigars.
b. Old Renaissance Ale.
c. Bullfrog’s Harmonious Hats.
d. Laughing Karl’s Tiny, Tall and Monstrous Men’s Clothing.
