TODAY’S POST

April 20, 2011

Wiley

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THE NEW MISS PAGEANT

April 19, 2011

Following the disqualification of Rose Trelawny for stealing the president’s watch fob, the first runner up has been elevated to wear the crown of Miss Pageant. Meet Iris Breedlove, our new Miss Pageant. Iris is a licensed plumber from Bennington, Vermont. When not plumbing, she can be found whittling facsimiles of Civil War cannons to […]

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SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE

April 18, 2011

A TALE OF TWO JESSIES Two Jessies were born in 1864, one in San Francisco, California, and the other in Gloucester, Massachusetts. The Californian was Jessie Anderson, who in time turned out to be the loon’s mother’s father’s mother. Arriving in Massachusetts was Jessie Ralph, who in time turned out to be the actress playing […]

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THE WASTED WISH

April 17, 2011

Jim Fan Elliott cursed himself for perhaps the millionth time since the day forty years earlier when he had made the mistake of his life. Now on his deathbed in the creaky no good room he rented in an otherwise abandoned slut of a building, he moaned a final time at his folly. On his […]

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A SENTENCE BY HARDIE GRAMATKY

April 16, 2011

At the foot of an old, old wharf lives the cutest, silliest tugboat you ever saw. Are you sure about this, Hardie? I’ve quaffed many a brew with a wide variety of cute, silly tugboats in my time. Your tugboat is undeniably cute and silly, but you steer into troubled waters when you add the […]

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CARTOON FRIDAY 98

April 15, 2011

THE PRANKSTER CLOUD

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MARY PICKFORD KWIZ ANSWER

April 14, 2011

Canada’s Gladys Smith, later known as America’s Sweetheart, Mary Pickford, in fact did every single one of those things and more. Why, she swam the English Channel to celebrate her third birthday. She balanced on one foot on the back of a buffalo and rode it in that manner from Pasadena to Santa Monica. She […]

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MARY PICKFORD KWIZ

April 13, 2011

Mary Pickford: a. once bested Fatty Arbuckle in an acorn eating contest. b. twice put dead moths in D. W. Griffith’s porridge. c. was a lumberjack before getting into pictures. d. secretly scaled Mt. Everest in 1908. e. had a wolverine farm in the San Fernando valley. f. always kept a portrait of Martin Van […]

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THE LOON’S WALK REWARD

April 12, 2011
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THE LITTLEST GERM, A LOON FABLE

April 11, 2011

The littlest germ moped. “I never get to do anything,” it said. While all of the other germs were out and about causing disease, the littlest germ was not allowed to leave the germ house and was constantly reminded that it was too small to cause any measurable misery. Vowing to itself to prove them […]

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