THE POST FOR TODAY
Wally
Following the disqualification of Rose Trelawny for stealing the president’s watch fob, the first runner up has been elevated to wear the crown of Miss Pageant. Meet Iris Breedlove, our new Miss Pageant. Iris is a licensed plumber from Bennington, Vermont. When not plumbing, she can be found whittling facsimiles of Civil War cannons to […]
Canada’s Gladys Smith, later known as America’s Sweetheart, Mary Pickford, in fact did every single one of those things and more. Why, she swam the English Channel to celebrate her third birthday. She balanced on one foot on the back of a buffalo and rode it in that manner from Pasadena to Santa Monica. She […]
Miss Pageant of 2011 is Rose Trelawny. Rose hails from Ames, Iowa and is a junior at the Arthur Glordobb School of Industrial Nomenclature. Her favorite color is bruise, and her favorite philosopher is Plato. For hobbies, she enjoys kayaking on dry land and knitting perfume from leftover whales. Her heart’s desire is world peace […]
The wheels of the universe turned toward the singular wink in time when the swimming pool in Sylvia Proll’s backyard would be a portal into the 16th dimension. Sylvia jackknifed and entered the water at the critical wink. She certainly was surprised to find herself supervising bingo in one corner of a trade union hall […]
SOMETHING HAPPENS OFFICIALS ALARMED MUCH LESS IMPORTANT DETAIL THE IGNORED WARNINGS CLAMS SAFELY EVACUATED THE MAYOR IS STUPID SHORTAGE OF ACORNS EXPECTED MICE SCURRY POLITICIANS BLOVIATE
4 years to Bobby Seale for contempt of court
A corner of Socrates’ garden? A Pompeii courtyard the day before the you know what? A cropped close-up of the winning entry in a cake decorating contest? A ghostly image of deadly robot hands? An attractive and innocent looking strangle vine near a pillar? Hint: The loon ran in terror, shrieking, “No, robot! Nooooo!”