THE SILENT CRYSTAL MENACE

January 17, 2011

It creeps by night to perform foul deeds.

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A SENTENCE BY EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS

January 15, 2011

As the body rolled to the ground Tarzan of the Apes placed his foot upon the neck of his lifelong enemy and raising his eyes to the full moon, threw back his fierce young head and voiced the wild and terrible cry of his people. Whoa there, Edgar. Deep breath. That’s it. Now let it […]

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BETTY BOOP

January 10, 2011

The loon was happy to entertain one of his oldest and dearest friends, Betty Boop, when she was in town to sign copies of her newest book, ‘An Unabridged History of Peru’.

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THE LOON’S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011

December 30, 2010

The loon resolves to: 1. spend a few days of each month tied to a chimney. 2. bake and consume in one sitting a porpoise. 3. host an event having something to do with otters. 4. fill a bucket with spit. 5. hallucinate only on weekends. 6. deposit all of his money in a snow […]

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FALL FALLEN

December 27, 2010

Although the loon at present is experiencing snowy winter, last week when he visited the loon princeling, he saw fall fallen after a blustery rainstorm.

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HAUNTED GLADE

December 22, 2010

The loon has to pass through this haunted glade whenever he visits the loon princeling. In the past he has been obliged to fight off wolfmen, wolfwomen, assorted witches, a variety of hellhounds, an angry sasquatch, a shapeless hulk with very bad breath, an invisible laugher, some door-to-door salesmen ghosts, and, scariest of all, a […]

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CANDY RACE

December 21, 2010

children a piece of candy Rudyard Kipling When the starter fires his pistol, who will win the race to the piece of candy? Will it be Rudyard Kipling at his healthiest, or will it be the small group of children brought from the slums of London especially for this event?

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A FRONT AND A BACK

December 15, 2010

A house has a front and a back. On one of the other hands, there’s this: The affront took the loon aback. Both sentences have 8 syllables. Therefore, we now know beyond a shadow of a doubt what really became of either John Wilkes Booth or Booth Tarkington.

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HOLIDAY RECIPE

December 14, 2010

Antelope Nares in Tomato Aspic For this recipe you will need: one medium herd of antelope One phalanx of flesh-eating camels one dried tomato aspic Slay one medium herd of antelope. Using a razor-sharp melonballer, slice nares from carcasses and set aside in hamper. Release phalanx of flesh-eating camels to dispose of antelope leftovers. Return […]

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SNOW PRISON

November 30, 2010

The crowded conditions in snow prison are abominable. But when you think about it, it makes a kind of sense, doesn’t it?

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