Ty Foat, the fastest man alive, settled into the starting blocks. To his left, Plodslow Heavyfoot did the same. To his right, Weakstarve Brokenankle was likewise occupied. Lesser entities in other lanes completed the field. The starter, wearing a silly straw hat, raised his pistol, paused dramatically, and fired. Ty was out like a shot, […]
Jowls Revenue and Pride Hassenpfeffer mused independently, Jowls somewhere in the Amazon basin, Pride somewhere inside a python. Surprisingly, they mused in similar veins. I wonder if the rent boy forgot to walk my cheetah, mused Jowls. I wonder if the rent boy forgot to exercise my ocelot, mused Pride. Sadly, the rent boy had […]
Microphone Hal Binter and the Scottish Henbane Queen took another turn around the deck. They were lost so deep in conversation that they were barely aware of falling overboard and sinking to the bottom of the sea. True, their words were more garbled when burbled, and bubbles did flow from their mouths. However, so intent […]
Greg Peccary scuttled into the undergrowth to escape the taunts of the mockingbird. He settled into a density of twining branches and sighed. “Boo!” said a snake rudely, popping its head from a hole directly in front of Greg. “Don’t do that,” said Greg, recognizing his old pal, Jem. “I’m nervous enough, what with the […]
The Root of All Evil awoke one morning and pondered on how to spend his day. He plucked up a pen and on his notepad he made out a list of potential purchases: 1. snow burglar 2. ripe elf 3. tincture of gremlin 4. Detroit He then proceeded to make the purchases and to use […]
Once upon a time there was a sassy little corral. Then things got different, and the sassy little corral was abandoned. It pined away for lack of care and eventually, a long time after this picture was taken, returned to the bosom of the meadow. Ah, wilderness. Ah, infinity. Ah, let’s go get a sandwich.
In the Old West, where men were men and so were the women, Clarence Forbes shot a house. Spooked by a varmint, Clarence launched himself momentarily skyward, and when he returned to rest on solid ground, he unholstered his pistol and shot a house. While his intent was to send to eternal rest the varmint […]
Charles rarely emerges from the lower pantry, and on those occasions when he does, the staff bolts pell mell in every possible direction. Charles has that sort of an effect on sentient creatures of any stripe. Stone cold fact. Last Tuesday, so I’m told, Charles emerged, and the staff bolted, all save Buddy, the footman’s […]
Mervis Plelmorkler contemplated snowy egrets. Completing contemplation, he practiced contortions. Contortions taken care of, he welded himself a sandwich. Lunch over, he filled out the application to legally change his name. Laying aside the pen, he muttered his newly chosen name aloud. “Marty Prassmalleter,” he said, smiling his secret smile, the one with handlebars.
The skinniest toad practiced medicine when she wasn’t driving on the NASCAR circuit. But at this particular moment, seated on the upper deck of the omnibus, she was livid. The only other passenger up there had insulted the skinniest toad’s choice of footwear. “If I was skinny and green like you, honey, I sure wouldn’t […]
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
