Kenneth Bigalow’s restless heart rambled throughout his body, never stopping for more than an hour in any one place. Naturally, he went to the doctor. After completing the examination, the doctor said, “Mr. Bigalow, you’ve got a severe case of restless heart syndrome.” “What should I do about it?” asked Kenneth Bigalow. “You might become […]
The elephant and the insurance adjuster moved to the starting line and crouched low, preparing to hurl themselves down the track. The starter, a renegade bacteriologist, raised her pistol. Neither elephant nor insurance adjuster spoke a word, but both peered through slit eyes of rage at the innocent sky. Insufferable insults had been exchanged days […]
Spoonfork Lassiter purchased delicious food-like substances at the local supermarket. On returning home, he complained to his wife, Henpeck, about the outrageously escalating costs of food-like substances. “Henny, it’s outrageous how the costs of food-like substances have escalated,” he complained. “Why, I could have purchased ten bags full of food-like substances twenty years ago for […]
Harrison Mult, attorney-at-law, posing as if being considered for a seat on the Supreme Court, studied the menu. “Hello, my name is Legion. I’ll be your meal escort today. Are you ready to order, sir?” said the waitress, pen at the ready, hair bunned, glasses on chain, focus located. “I was born ready,” said Harrison […]
Raised in a spent howitzer shell, Carlton Grane developed an explosive temper. Fed only peanut shells for the first five years of his life, he was understandably nuts. Though insanity and rage ruled his every action, he managed to marry surprisingly well. surprisingly, surp to her friends, spelled her name in all lower case letters […]
The cheesemaker raced along the breakwater in hot pursuit of Naomi Radetich, the Lambeth Strangler. Radetich leaped into a waiting speedboat, turned and squeezed off a few rounds from her automatic semi-automatic in the cheesemaker’s general direction. The cheesemaker returned fire with his bolt-action flamethrower. The speedboat sped off, and the cheesemaker flung his flamethrower […]
The storm lashing the town at noon went completely undetected. Ten minutes earlier: Tim Ketchum wore a carbon cap. James Billet tickled the lame rabbit. The Widow Hanley was seen brandishing a knife at Monroe Harper. The stones stacked at the end of Main Street disappeared one at a time into Tredmont’s Saloon. Ed Tilton […]
The beast with five eyes entertained lavishly, sparing no expense. Chandeliers hung from chandeliers. Each footman was issued a pair of Gatling guns and a gold-studded thermometer. Every member of the kitchen staff was frosted with live minks. On arrival, guests were dipped in a large vat of chocolate and ushered into the main ballroom […]
The professor’s cat moved with lark-like civility down the hallway. Plel Lolman smiled with his wooden mouth. Widow Chirp, the landlady, ladled dollops of treason pie onto broken dishes. The professor remained in his room twirling a mackerel in anticipation of Crimson Bloodhound Day. Mavis, the parlor maid, sat in the boiler room eating a […]
“You’re probably bewildered as to why I’m gathered here. In short, that is to say, in summary, I put it to all of you on equal, if not harmonious, footing, that the murderer is about to be revealed by none other than me, yours truly, speak name here … Wait, sorry, I’ll go again from […]
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
