Arthur Stanley Jefferson typically spent St. Patrick’s Day:
a. swimming to Scotland.
b. working at his spinning wheel.
c. rock climbing with his pal Oliver.
d. at Jimmy Cagney’s house playing whist with Cagney, Frank McHugh, and Pat O’Brien.
Meet Plumly, a ten year old Earth girl from the mountains of California. She is now dyed blue and wandering the wilds of a world in another dimension.
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Why is that horse stapled to the grain elevator?
Loon: Today for the 3 question interview the lords of the 4th dimension have provided me with the ghost of Hopalong Cassidy, who I am told was a famous cowboy star. Mr. Cassidy, the first thing I notice is your unusual name. What do you know, if anything, about the origins of your name, Cassidy?
Hoppy’s ghost: It’s Irish from the Gaelic for ‘curly-haired’.
Loon: Fascinating. Did you ever feed your horse ice cream?
Hoppy’s ghost: Topper never ate ice cream.
Loon: Who’s Topper?
Hoppy’s ghost: My horse.
Loon: That’s all for the 3 question interview. Sorry I didn’t get to ask whether or not you ever dated Ethel Merman. Maybe next time. So long.
Hoppy’s ghost leaps on Topper’s ghost and gallops through the ceiling.
The seeds gathered at the site. Their leader called for silence. The seeds ceased jabbering and paid heed.
‘Our mission is stout, true, and before us waiting,’ said the leader. ‘Let no seed feel impelled to proceed against its will. If any one of you harbors the slightest doubt whatsoever, turn and go in peace. You shall not be judged.’
All of the seeds turned away and left the leader standing alone.
‘Well, I guess the mission wasn’t such a good idea after all,’ mumbled the leader, and it trailed off after the retreating seeds.
The answer is ‘b’ if sober, ‘e’ if refreshingly buzzed.
The noir sentence beginning ‘You’ll take this’ is best made complete with:
a. and give it to the orphanage with my blessing.’
b. ,and you’ll like it.’
c. application and fill it out as completely as you can.’
d. bouquet of flowers as a token of my esteem.’
e. ,and not only will you like it, but you’ll ask for a second helping.’
Eat the candles, not the cake.
To ensure success, collect hedgehogs.
If you seek a lake, journey not to an opera house.
He wove a sash of chocolate
He wove a sash of ice
When asked to choose which one to wear
He said, ‘They’re both so nice.
I’ll wear them stuck together
with a paste made out of rice.’
And off he went down the lane trotting like a collie
He paused beside a prickly bush and trimmed his sash with holly
When he was gone for good and all, relieved was his wife Molly
Now she was free to spend all day not being sad, but jolly
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
