January 27, 2013
Loon: Today is Lewis Carroll’s birthday, and the Lords of the Fourth Dimension have brought his ghost over for the 3 question interview. This is quite a treat for me since I forced my parents to take me to see Cinderella 4 times in one week 60 years ago. How did you get your ideas, Lewis?
Lewis Carroll’s ghost: Charles.
Loon: Expand a bit on that answer for our listeners, if you will. Someone named Charles fed you ideas you later used?
Lewis Carroll’s ghost: My name is Charles.
Loon: Wait a minute. I was supposed to get Lewis Carroll to interview here. What’s going on?
Lewis Carroll’s ghost (rolling his phantom eyes across the floor like marbles before disappearing): I wonder.
Loon: Come on, Lords, I hope you do better next week.
January 26, 2013
Scaring people is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.
A generous helping of lame pretend Raymond Chandler sentences are scattered about among the slew of cliches and pop cultural references stuffed and wedged and pressed against their wills into the narrative of 11/22/63.
January 25, 2013
What in the name of all things great and small was Arthur Treacher doing after hours in a Prescott, Arizona bowling alley in 1952? Only a very few people still alive, including the Queen of England, know. And they ain’t talking.
January 24, 2013
Arthur Treacher:
a. kept on talking fifteen minutes after he was asleep and began talking fifteen minutes before he awoke.
b. challenged Big Ben to a ding off after a night of revelry with his regiment following WWI.
c. had a shabby coat he liked to wear for ten minutes every morning.
d. water skied with Sonja Henie on numerous Norwegian fjords.
e. had an extensive collection of stuffed Canadian geese.
f. bowled a perfect game in the wee hours of the morning one day in 1952 in Prescott, Arizona.
January 23, 2013
The Fashion Statement rolled a last cigarette with one hand held aloft in defiance. The onlookers murmured heartfelt admiration. The Captain of the Guard removed his sunglasses and wept openly, cruelly. The order was given, and the Squad advanced with outstretched plume feathers. The tickling commenced, and The Fashion Statement writhed on the ground in the rusty red dust. Its golden sash besmirched, its scarlet cravat in disarray, its broad brimmed green velvet hat falling away, The Fashion Statement gasped a final flurry of giggles and expired. The onlookers murmured heartfelt admiration and slunk away.
January 22, 2013
If melted spoons were thistles
we wouldn’t need nuclear missiles
January 21, 2013
BLUE LAMP, NEXT TOWN OVER
January 20, 2013
Loon: Today’s ghost is so famous he needs no introduction. I’ve heard you drank a lot of liquor. Is this true?
W.C. Fields’ ghost: I was once forced to flee Bemidji, Minnesota in a canoe in order to escape a maddened herd of muskrats intent on my demise. It seems I had inadvertently insulted their queen, who had developed an unseemly fondness for me. On this occasion I was required to harpoon a …
Loon (interrupting): But the drinking. What about the drinking?
W.C. Fields’ ghost: Don’t mind if I do. Brings back the time I was digging on a sandbar in the Klondike with Manassas Moll …
Loon (interrupting): Drinking! What about the drinking?
W.C. Fields’ ghost: Ah, yes, drinking. I was tippling in a saloon near the Panama Canal when in walked Three Finger Dave, the only man in the Western Hemisphere equally known in the Eastern Hemisphere. He wore an earring made from the fetlock of a Himalayan yeti … (fades to nothingness still talking)
Loon: …………
January 19, 2013
Unheeded he kept by them as they came towards the drier sand, a rag of wolf’s tongue redpanting from his jaws.
This sentence has the capacity to make one feel that one should put one’s pencil down and toss one’s scribbles into the fire and go sit quietly by the sea.
January 18, 2013
Although Will had the desire to do all of those things, the only one to actually occur was the roller skating tour of Central Park in the company of W. C. Fields. As a side note, Al Jolson was the 3rd member of the group, but he didn’t skate. He jogged barefoot.
