“Anger is often the mask of shame,” said the learned frog to the empty shampoo bottle.
“But desire is the quotient of temptation over the availability of a parking space,” responded the bottle.
“Nevertheless, shut up,” commented the frog.
The village blacksmith and his good wife raised three daughters. At the time of this story, they were 14, 12, and 10 years old. They found time one morning to gossip by the well before returning to the boring tasks assigned to them.
“The queen has a secret bloom,” said Egborn, 10 years old.
“So?” sneered Ogbood, 12 years old.
“Eg is right. Whomsoever finds it will be drenched with gold,” said Ugbin, 14 years old.
“I will find it,” said Egborn.
Her sisters snorted.
“Don’t make me fetch my switch! Get back to work!” shrieked the blacksmith’s good wife, their mother.
The sisters hurried to their boring tasks. When exhaustion set out to fell them long after dark, Egborn fought sleep and listened for the snores of her sisters. In no time at all, the sisters were limp lumps, mouths agape. Egborn crept into the night, climbed the pear tree to the top of the castle garden wall and tumbled over it, landing quietly below in a neatly trimmed hedge. There she fell asleep. Lo, a scant few hours later, she was awakened by singing. She peered from the hedge and saw the queen standing by a glow of green and red.
“None shall find my secret bloom, the product of my magic loom, dum de dum de dum de doom,” sang the queen while caressing a flower hidden in the heart of a bush.
“I found it!” cried Egborn, springing from the hedge.
“Oh, goody!” said the queen. “Now is the curse lifted. Hurrah!”
So saying, the queen transformed into a glowing green bird and flew off ever shouting, “Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!”
Egborn looked down and found that she was now splendidly garbed, a queen, and drenched in gold. In later years, she grew to envy the escape of the glowing green bird.
1
A book of curses underneath the cow
A jug of bread, a loaf of wine, and thou
Beside me ranting in a state of bliss
2
twinkle, twinkle, great horned owl
can you tell me, learned fowl
if my hair is neatly combed
or nested like a wild sea foamed
Whenever the Sanchez sisters deigned to attend, said attendance was cherished in memory ever after.
Tula:
a. was a renowned Washington political broker and hostess.
b. ran several houses of ill repute.
c. was for many years chaperone at the Miss America pageant.
d. loved to dance.
The beast with five eyes entertained lavishly, sparing no expense. Chandeliers hung from chandeliers. Each footman was issued a pair of smiling Irish eyes and a gold-studded thermometer. Every member of the kitchen staff was frosted with live minks. On arrival, guests were dipped in a large vat of chocolate and ushered into the main ballroom to be licked by wolves. The 320 piece orchestra played requests, most of which were ‘Help me, I’m being licked by wolves.’ The evening’s successful culmination featured the beast with five eyes, a monk, a harp on fire, and two pixies.
Phil, Phil, dumb as a pill
tried to climb a mudslick hill
When he slipped for the umpteenth time
he resigned himself to a life of crime
Ray, Ray, dumb as a tray
tried to swim in a vat of clay
Stuck stock fast for the longest time
he resigned himself to a life of crime
Pam, Pam, dumb as a clam
tried to walk on a lake of jam
Sinking time after time after time
she resigned herself to a life of crime
Don, Don, dumbest of all
outwitted by a billiard ball
As spawn of Satan, as orange slime
he devoted himself to a life of crime
Loon: For the 3 Question Interview today, we welcome a lady named Beatrix Potter. First ques … Eeek! Is that a mouse in your hand?
Ghost of Beatrix: Certainly it is a mouse.
Loon: Ack! What’s that on your head?
Ghost of Beatrix: It is my hedgehog, Hermione.
Loon: Ugh! What crawled out of your pocket?
Ghost of Beatrix: My vole, Henry Tremblechin.
Loon (fleeing): Aaaaargh!
Ghost of Beatrix: Silly man.
Vole: What’s for lunch?
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
