THE TURNING OF CORNERS

March 9, 2019

He turned the corner and entered the bakery to enjoy his morning bearclaw.

He turned the corner of the page down to mark his place.

He turned the corner on the long road to recovery.

He turned the corner office into a storeroom for his Cabbage Patch doll collection.

He turned the corner and bulled his way into the end zone.

He turned the corner kick into a goal by heading it into the net.

He terned the coroner, peppering him with sea birds.

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THE BRONKO NAGURSKI KWIZ ANSWER

March 8, 2019

Convenient access to sunflower seeds was important to Bronko.

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THE BRONKO NAGURSKI KWIZ

March 7, 2019

Bronko secreted under his high domed helmet:

a. 4 hamburgers.

b. 1 cantaloupe.

c. 1 modest head of lettuce.

d. 1 paper bag full of sunflower seeds.

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AN INCIDENT

March 6, 2019
Tags:

The storm lashing the town at noon went completely undetected.

Ten minutes earlier:

Tim Ketchum wore a carbon cap.

James Billet tickled the lame rabbit.

The Widow Hanley was seen brandishing a knife at Monroe Harper.

The stones stacked at the end of Main Street disappeared one at a time into Tredmont’s Saloon.

Ed Tilton adjusted his hat and scratched the end of his nose.

The Logan boys ducked out of sight. It was plain to see that they were up to no good.

Hark, Doc Selmon’s dog, trotted home.

The hovering spacecraft unsheathed its weapon.

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FOUL FOWL RECIPE

March 5, 2019

Chicken Piano

117 chicken breasts

1 piano

Pound the chicken breasts with a sledge hammer until your own breast is heaving with exhaustion. Scrape up the resultant slime with a snow shovel and deposit it adjacent to, but not touching, your favorite piano. Smooth with trowel. Sit yourself down at the piano. Play ‘Kitten on the Keys’ before setting the piano ablaze with a flamethrower. When the piano has become a memory, the chicken slime will be perfectly cooked. Lick it off the floor or skate on it, as desired.

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ALL GUSSIED UP FOR HIGH TEA

March 4, 2019
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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – JOHN MUIR

March 3, 2019

Loon: Our ghost supplied by the Lords of the 4th Dimension this week for the 3 Question Interview is John Muir, a famous person of note. Mr. Muir, your boots look well broken in. Are they comfortable?

Muir’s ghost: Aye, that they are.

Loon: Where can I get a pair?

Muir’s ghost: I dinna ken.

Loon: Finally, I can’t help but notice your accent. Are you from France?

Muir’s ghost (hiking away with a shake of his head): Nay, daft laddie, nay.

(Loon removes jellybeans from his pocket and chooses a red one to pop in his mouth.)

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THE INSPECTOR’S SUMMATION SUMMARIZED

March 2, 2019

“You’re probably bewildered as to why I’m gathered here. In short, that is to say, in summary, I put it to all of you on equal, if not harmonious, footing, that the murderer is about to be revealed by none other than me, yours truly, speak name here … Wait, sorry, I’ll go again from ‘yours truly’ … yours truly, Detective Inspector Sir Reverend Urquhar Peabody, BFD.

Firstly, concerning the sheep, I realized at once that the handwriting on the critical note could not have been forged by a ruminant, of whatever breeding and erudition, notwithstanding.

Second, the footprint in the bacon grease spread on the parlor floor was not a footprint at all, necessarily. It might have been, and in fact was, a cry for help.

Thirdly, and I cannot emphasize this, so I won’t.

Fourthly and fifth, why, you ask, am I holding a turkey leg between my knees? Am I making you nervous, MISTER ALFRED CARBUNCLE!?”

“All right! All right! I confess! I did it! Guns, ammo, cheese and everything! I can’t take any more, I tell you! I can’t! I can’t! HAHAHAHAHA!!”

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THE HERMAN MELVILLE KWIZ ANSWER

March 1, 2019

Herm and Nat were notorious practical jokers and did hot foot stuff and other things like that a lot.

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THE HERMAN MELVILLE KWIZ

February 28, 2019

Herman Melville:

a. had a farm, e i e i o.

b. had no farm, e i e i o.

c. once gave Nat Hawthorne a hot foot.

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