June 3, 2017
Harleton Camber glanced down to reassure himself that the creases in his trousers were knifed perfection. They were. He noted the carnation artfully perched on his lapel in effulgent perfection, a song of white. Reassured, he tapped lightly on the gong. The door swung open. He entered the solarium. Over the heads of the amiably chatting crowd he saw his hostess leaning at the perfect angle against a tray of muffins. Not a soul paid him the slightest heed as he worked his way through the happy gauntlet of guests to greet her.
‘Alice, I am here,’ he said when he reached her side.
The party addressed flicked her eyes left to engage Camber, then down to examine his shoes, up to examine his waves of raven hair. Her eyes flicked away, never more to flick back again.
Harleton Camber now knew that the only option open to him was janitorial work in a graduate school somewhere in the midwest. 24 hours later, he was on a train to Iowa.
June 2, 2017
To be fair, those little sandwiches were really tasty.
June 1, 2017
At the ballet’s dress rehearsal for the first performance of Igor’s Rite of Spring, Igor was heard to say:
a. ‘Huh?’
b. ‘I’m worried about the Iowa farmland demographic.’
c. ‘Can I have another one of those little sandwiches?’
d. ‘Vodka!’
May 31, 2017
my heart a tender bucket
in thrall to the moon and its petals
my soul a golden sieve
processing life ore in the factory
May 30, 2017
Remember what the dormouse said.
May 28, 2017
Loon: A woman’s ghost named Mary Shelley from some previous time has been brought to us by the Lords of the 4th Dimension to undergo the Three Question Interview. As a ghost of yore, Mistress Mary, aren’t you envious when you see how the stoves of today with burners and ovens are so much easier to work with?
Shelley’s ghost: I possess a paucity of interest in such devices.
Loon: Let me try another topic. When push comes to shove, what do you enjoy the most, rowing or jogging?
Shelley’s ghost: My temperament is most suited to tranquil pastimes. I find sitting in the garden a restful occupation.
Loon: I can’t help but notice by your accent that you might be from some other land. Does it rhyme with pants?
Shelley’s ghost: No.
(Boris Karloff’s ghost drives up in phantom buggy, climbs down from perch, escorts Shelley aboard, reascends to perch, drives off. Loon turns away with a shrug)
May 26, 2017
Oddly enough, such behavior is not uncommon among assistant producers.
May 25, 2017
Mr. and Mrs. de Winter are alarmed that:
a. Godzilla is rising from the depths before their very eyes.
b. Alfred Hitchcock’s still writhing lunch is being carried onto the set.
c. three long lines of madly grinning men with green hands are filing in.
d. a mentally unbalanced assistant producer is dancing about weeping and scratching at his face with clawed hands.
