Anvil in a Lace Bootie

This had become a major point of trade that had supplied the customers who drew the girls, who brought the pimps, who dealt the drugs, which bred the guns that shot the kids who lived in the house that crack built. – from Alan Moore’s amazing novel, Jerusalem.

Once some daffy dills of spring

gathered in a mass to sing,

‘Tra la fiddle bung dee doob,

Mata Hari was a boob.’

Loon: We are entirely honored to welcome for the 3 Question Interview the first man to set foot on the moon, Neil Armstrong. Welcome, Your Grace, and would you tell us how much a gallon of gas cost in 1958 or so?

Armstrong’s ghost: Oh, probably around 20 cents.

Loon: Amazing. And can it possibly be true that Hostess Cupcakes cost a nickel?

Armstrong’s ghost: For when I was a young boy in the ’40s that certainly sounds about right. Might even have been 3 cents. Can’t recall for sure. That was quite a long time ago.

Loon: And finally, did you ever go kayaking in the Arctic?

Armstrong’s ghost: No. That’s one thing I never did get a chance to do.

Loon: Thank you and good-bye. (salutes)

(Armstrong returns salute before marching away)

‘Who’s who? What’s when? Where’s why?’ said the iguana to the tarantula.

The tarantula, not one to be entertained by nonsense, more, in point of fact, like one to be enraged by nonsense, sank her poison escorting fangs into the iguana, thereby killing it, and dined on iguana haunch off and on for the next few weeks.

A grand total of eight buckets of paint were dumped.

Jeanette agreed to wear this headpiece on one condition, that condition being that:

a. Nelson would wear it to the premier of the movie.

b. she could ritually burn it after the last day of shooting.

c. if anybody on the set laughed, she could dump a bucket of paint on him, her, or them.

d. a funny hat clause be written into her contract stipulating a bonus payment of $10,000 dollars.

a poem from the pen of edna st. louis missouri:

*

ides hides

destiny rides

on antlered foal

wind

be gentle

my fragile soul

nickers

shyly

oh sweet stab

The Galway Goon – Sinead O’ Toole – Jim O’Brien – Duck Fitzgerald (gat) – Pat Murphy (knife)

ropes

stool-Buzzsaw McCoy

r

o

p

e

s

referee

r

o

p

e

s

Bronco Maggio-stool

ropes

Ox Angelini – Mavis the Moll – Don Bandini – Rocco Cicci (blackjack) – Specs Kirsch (dart gun)

timothy bodfellow went to bed

hundreds of earwigs danced on his head

timothy bodfellow rose in alarm

checked out of the inn and returned to the farm

he dug in the mud and giggled a lot

earwigs victorious, timothy not

When, in a queendom far away and long ago, the Queen gave birth to identical twin girls, a soothsayer was summoned to say the sooth.

Regarding the infants with his deeply knowing eyes, the soothsayer said, ‘They must be parted before they reach the age of ten, never more to meet again.’

The Queen said, ‘What is this nonsense? What do you mean? Tell me more if you would leave this palace alive.’

The soothsayer said, ‘The sooth has been said.’ And so saying, the soothsayer disappeared in twin spires of smoke, one spire green, the other blue.

It took all the skills of the chamberlain, the domo, and even the cook to soothe the Queen’s wrath at the sooth said by the soothsayer. Peace was restored to a manageable degree in three weeks time, and work on a great wall separating the queendom into halves was undertaken. With tenderest care, plans were drawn for an eastern palace to be built for the Princess Mandy to occupy on her 10th birthday. At the same time, plans for Princess Sally’s western palace were also scriven on the finest vellum.

The pair of princesses passed the years as inseparable companions. They were kind and loving, a delight to one and all. The Princess Mandy always wore blue. The Princess Sally always wore green. Such was the single way to tell them apart. For their startling orange hair and deepest blue eyes fair brought all who saw them an initial gasp followed by a quivering in the knees.

At last separation day was  almost upon them, and they met in the garden.

‘We will meet again,’ whispered Mandy.

‘We will meet again,’ whispered Sally.

Ten years passed. Princess Mandy brooded in the eastern palace. Princess Sally brooded in the western palace. Despite their frequent efforts, the great wall had triumphed in keeping them apart.

Carrot, Mandy’s jester, worried about her kind mistress. While mending a tunic, Carrot suddenly stood up from the bench and said, ‘I will do something about this!’

At that very same instant in the western palace, Celery, Sally’s jester, flung down her knitting and cried, ‘I will do something about this!’

What did the two jesters do? They each went to the wall and requested a jester exchange. The wall official saw no reason to deny the request. Celery went to Mandy in the east. Carrot went to Sally in the west. And cleverness blossomed in the two palaces when the jesters changed identities with the pair of princesses.

Mandy approached the wall, trembling in the pale togs and raggedy boots of Celery. On the other side of the wall, Sally, for her part, quivered in the orange patch silks and green boots of Carrot. The wall officials yawned and opened the doors to the passage, one on each side. The sisters rushed to embrace.

The flames tore around the queendom, consuming it to the last leaf, the last twig. Arms around each other, blended, slender, the sisters sat joyous in the charred landscape.