THE HENRY CLAY KWIZ

February 9, 2017

Henry Clay was the first United States Senator to:

a. be a zombie.

b. live in a hedge.

c. survive exclusively on a diet of earthworms and millet.

d. be officially banned from attending any and all social functions.

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A SENTENCE BY PAUL AUSTER

February 8, 2017

White wants Blue to follow a man named Black and to keep an eye on him for as long as necessary.

From Ghosts in The New York Trilogy

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SPICY PANGOLIN

February 7, 2017

spicy pangolin

twice infused

reverent

frosted

coldly calculating

yet indifferent to

time

i harvest your soul

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A NEW DAY

February 6, 2017

The exhausted survivors, bedraggled and triumphant, gathered in the meadow to hear their leader speak. Their leader raised his hands and nodded thrice.

‘My children,’ he began, ‘our long and dreadful journey is at an end. Yes, we have suffered loss and terrible pain, but now we are arrived at a new beginning. Here will we build a better life safe and secure from the horrors and agonies of yesterday.’

Then the sun exploded.

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – ELIZABETH CADY STANTON

February 5, 2017

Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension have brought to us today for the 3 Question Interview a very famous woman I personally have never head of, Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Welcome, E.C., if I may be so bold. Your dress suggests to me the somebody alive in the 17th, 18th, or 19th century. Am I mistaken?

Stanton’s ghost: No, you are not. I did inhabit most of the 19th century and a tiny sliver of the 20th.

Loon: Ah, good. I know a little something about the 19th century, for instance, the shoes. Were your shoes comfortable?

Stanton’s ghost: My good fellow, allow me to state forcefully that footwear never impeded my perambulatory progress.

Loon: Huh? Well, let me ask one final question. Wasn’t having all those horses around then a nuisance?

Stanton’s ghost: A nuisance? Not in the least.

Loon: Thank you, famous 19th century lady. And to all of you out there, a heartfelt ta ta until next time.

(Loon exits. Stanton’s ghost steps into her ghostly Bugatti and roars off through the wall.)

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LIMERICK TIME

February 4, 2017

There once was a politician

who used to be a physician.

When asked why he changed,

he said, ‘I’m deranged,

which is why I sought this position.’

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THE JELLYFISH MAN KWIZ ANSWER

February 3, 2017

After placing the young lady gently on a bed of moss, Jellyfish Man went back and ate the sleazy fly-by-night conman.

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THE JELLYFISH MAN KWIZ

February 2, 2017

In this photo Jellyfish Man:

a. is carrying his bride across the threshold.

b. wonders if emerging from the depths was really such a good idea after all.

c. has recently rescued the young lady from a sleazy fly-by-night conman.

d. is looking forward to relaxing with a gin and tonic as soon as all this volcano and maiden business is wrapped up.

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DAMROTH

February 1, 2017

Damroth chortled. He had no other option. When the ability to simper had been forcefully removed from him on the previous Tuesday, chortling had been the only means of expression left for him to utilize. And so he chortled at the red table of scraps set before him. He chortled when the red table of scraps was removed and replaced with a blue table of ripe melons. When the blue table was followed by the yellow, the green, the brown, Damroth chortled.  The experimenters nodded approval and sent Damroth home.

‘Honey, I’m home,’ said Damroth on entering his domicile.

‘Ah, good,’ said Mrs. Damroth, leaping down from where she had been standing on the mantelpiece pretending to be an explorer.

Mr. and Mrs. Damroth chortled. 13 of their 14 children raced into the room, chortling. Missy, the 14th child, simpered.

‘Missy’s turn tomorrow,’ said Damroth, chortling.

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JOSEPH WELCH

January 31, 2017

‘Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?’ – Joseph Welch addressing Senator Joe McCarthy on June 9, 1954

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