THE CATHERINE COOKSON KWIZ

November 17, 2016

catherine-cookson

This is Catherine Cookson, prolific novelist. She wrote more books than:

a. you could shake a stick at if you happen to be the sort of person who wanders about shaking sticks at books.

b. she could remember. In fact, having forgotten earlier works, she often wrote them again later.

c. Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy combined into Storlivane Layrudharel.

d. all the tea in China.

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THE OLD MILLER

November 16, 2016

golden-harp

Once upon a time an old miller crafted new paddle staves to replace the many worn out staves of his waterwheel. Sacks of oats ready to be milled lined the walls of the long shed where he worked. After many hours of labor he decided to take a nap. He arranged three oat sacks to that purpose and stretched out in comfort. Soon he was asleep and dreaming.

In the dream he stood by the mill stream. He felt afraid and soon knew why. For from the stream there arose inch by inch slowly until completely emerged a river hag wrapped in a long red cloak. As rivulets of water ran down the sodden cloak, the hag engaged the old miller eyes to eyes with a dark frozen stare.

‘When you awake, be quick, be sharp, and bring to the mill my lost golden harp,’ croaked the hag, and poof she was gone, and the miller awoke.

He ran home and told his good wife all about the dream. She sat in the rocking chair, rocking and thinking, rocking and thinking. The old miller, who always relied on his good wife for counsel, waited patiently for her to speak.

She stopped rocking and said, ‘It’s this. A sorceress has enchanted you. You must find her golden harp and bring it here. I will send for our nephew to run the mill until you return.’

And so the miller set off. He went from village to village, castle to castle, explaining his quest, and not once did he hear tales of a river hag’s golden harp until a day many years later when he rested sitting in a deep wood with his back against the thick trunk of great twisted oak. Soon he nodded off to sleep. He dreamed.

Again, in the dream, he stood by the mill stream. He trembled with fear and soon knew why. The river hag rose from the stream and engaged him again eyes to eyes with a dark frozen stare.

‘When you awake, be quick, go home, never more so far to roam. I found my harp, no thanks to you. Forget all about it, and I’ll forget, too,’ croaked the hag, and poof she was gone, and the miller awoke.

He arose from the oat sacks in his long shed and returned to crafting new staves.

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A SENTENCE BY DOUGLAS ADAMS

November 15, 2016

Arthur got Fenny a tomato juice, and himself a pint of yellow water with gas in it. – from So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish

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RAYMOND CHANDLER’S HEAD

November 14, 2016
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raymond-chandler

raymond chandler’s head

was often found in bed

but only when he slept

and never when he wept

while gnashing of his teeth

raymond ate a bar of heath

sitting on the lawn

raymond drank ’til dawn

a shaky quivering husk

he drank then until dusk

staggering to and fro

he dreamed up Phil Marlowe

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THE TRIANGLE

November 13, 2016

Perkins Jellycomb tallied the last of the bananas, removed his smock, waved to Harlow, and left the warehouse. Harlow, in reaction to Jellycomb’s farewell salute, deactivated her station, removed her smock, sprinted from the warehouse onto the dock, flicked her eyes left and right, centered her soul, and flung herself into the water.

The following morning while Perkins Jellycomb prepared for work by shrugging into his smock, he couldn’t help but notice that Harlow’s station across the way remained deactivated and that Harlow was nowhere in sight.

‘Where’s Harlow?’ Jellycomb shouted to Mewl.

Mewl looked up from his bench, peered at the deactivated station and shrugged.

Just then The Triangle, lead triffid, entered the warehouse. Jellycomb hurriedly began to tally. Mewl turned intently to his thimble, thread, and needle. The Triangle sluttered across the floor, as triffids did, entered Harlow’s station and activated it. Mewl and Jellycomb, both terrified, nevertheless went about their duties as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary.

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YES NO

November 12, 2016

Cool Hand Luke? Yes

Cool Hand Mortimer? No

Duke of Earl? Yes

Duke of Certified Public Accounting? No

Cool Papa Bell? Yes

Cool Papa Ooo Mau Mau? No

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LIMERICK

November 11, 2016

The board certified gnat

conferred with a studious rat.

First they hemmed.

Then they hawed.

For hours they jawed

observed by a modified cat.

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FUTURE TREATISE

November 10, 2016

MARCHING TO OBLIVION: A History of the Human Race

by ^&*%^&$e*-* of the planet *#)*#!^

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A MOMENT OF SILENCE

November 9, 2016

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MOVIE AD

November 8, 2016

THE FEW!

THE MANY!

Can her passionate embrace tame his turbulent anger?

Can their haunted love penetrate a tidal wave of intrigue?

Go see

Barbara Stanwyck

and

Peter Lorre

in cinevision’s newest triumph

MANY ARE THE FEW

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