THE HIPPOPOTAMUS AND THE LARK

January 15, 2017

A clever lark landed on a low branch in a tree by the river. Below her a hippopotamus stood doing nothing at all. ‘I am a hippopotamus,’ said the lark. The hippopotamus looked up and said, ‘No, you’re not. You’re a little bird. I am a hippopotamus. See my two lower great dagger tusks?’ The […]

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TIM

January 3, 2017

Tim knew better than to confront Charles directly. Acting with this knowledge in mind, he purchased a helicopter, a false nose, and a swollen inflated plastic rabbit. After taking a slew of flying lessons and qualifying as a helicopter pilot, he nudged his little plan into motion. First, he flew in his helicopter with rabbit […]

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THE LOST LIBRARY CARD

December 31, 2016

You have lost your library card. Don’t go into the bedroom again. You have already searched it thoroughly. Try the kitchen. You know the card can’t possibly be there, but nevertheless, take a look. It isn’t, of course, not even in the high cupboard which has never to your knowledge been opened until this minute […]

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THE LITIGIOUS CHAMBERMAID

December 24, 2016

“I’ll sue, I will!” cried Letty, the litigious chambermaid in response to the severe dressing down she had recently received from Mrs. Grane, the housekeeper. “Nah, yer won’t. Yer always says it, but yer never does it, do yer?” mocked Bert, the footman. “This time’s different. I will! I will!” stated Letty with passion, and […]

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FODONTALON

December 19, 2016

A galaxy hosted a planet. The planet, awash with seas, boasted a single small continent. A lone city occupied the tip top of the geographical center of the continent, a great mountain shouldering high above the plains. The single inhabitant of the city stepped to the wall surrounding the garden and peered over to admire […]

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THE CRUEL LANDLORD

December 10, 2016

Before leaving his palace to walk to the bank and deposit his filthy lucre, the cruel landlord pulled from his waistcoat pocket the watch he’d stolen from the widow of his former partner, a man who had recently died in prison after the cruel landlord had framed him for embezzlement. Flicking a mote of dirt […]

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THE PARSONS PLAN

December 6, 2016

When the parsons gathered to exchange blows, it rained on Hanley’s farm. Hanley was away in the city shopping for cutlery. When he entered the emporium, Norman Cole, 18 miles from the city, 6 miles from Hanley’s farm, and 42 miles from where the parsons were gathered to exchange blows, began to climb the ladder, […]

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THE RED RED BERRY

November 28, 2016

Once in a far off land there lived a foolish simpleton. This was most unfortunate, for the foolish simpleton was also the King. On a day not unlike others, he called his advisors into the kitchen and forgot why. ‘Well, we are gathered,’ he said, casting about in the vast empty cavern of his mind […]

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SPENCER’S DILEMMA

November 26, 2016

Spencer weighed his options. Should he or should he not inform the authorities? He had witnessed Billings removing the pink comb from the high nook next to the credenza. He had witnessed Billings subsequent exiting from the north wing giggling. Furthermore, he had witnessed Billings taking a seat on the lawn and beginning to comb […]

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THE PLEBEIAN AARDVARK

November 23, 2016

The plebeian aardvark directed the movements of her troops from the top of a knoll. The harsh cry of ‘Advance!’ tore from her throat as she pointed with quivering rage at the enemy encampment. The aardvark army surged in response, spilling madly across the plain. Neck muscles tensed. Teeth ground. The armies crashed together. Cries […]

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