Once upon a time in a Queendom by the nearest freeway, Queen Blood Lily of the Moon despaired of her daughter, the Princess Ferret Eyes. For you see, although Ferret Eyes was as lovely as a cormorant, she displayed a marked tendency to glow. Therefore, a competition to douse the Princess was proposed by the [...]
The Bel Canto Rainmaker brought forth her splendid sound , and the thatched roofs peeled back, and the walls crumbled, and the doors disintegrated into mounds of quivering slivers, and the populace dropped to the ground in rapture, and the mill wheel tumbled from its moorings and fell on its side, and the parched fields [...]
A pair of twins crossed the granite apron above the tree line. They paused for a moment to contemplate the sheer wall of rock to be conquered rising high before them. Adjusting his toga, the first twin, Nicetus, slowly but surely began his ascent, carefully finding footholds for his sandals and niches for his fingers [...]
In the midnight laundromat The Spirit of the Typewriter folded towels vehemently in an effort to banish aching memories of The Spirit of the Adding Machine. No use, no use, he thought, and abandoning all dignity and stoic acceptance, The Spirit of the Typewriter depressed his space bar. Instantaneously whisked to an establishment located a [...]
The Violent Quality Control Inspector lost it completely when faced with one too many uneven seams. He spun in place shrieking, tattered the offending garment with his teeth, jumped out the window, flailed his limbs while writhing in mud, skipped laughing and wild-eyed along the canal, collapsed weeping in a puddle, and was struck by [...]
Leading its demons in fertility leaps, The Bread of Life danced across the fields. Subsiding at the road, it waved the demons to rest. “That oughta take care of things for a while,” said The Bread of Life. “Can we go home now, then?” asked a particularly vile little demon, the one with green phlegm [...]
Salvation Sal divided the chocolate bar into 8 individual squares. Burrowed deep in the straw with her turkey, she consumed the gleaming squares of lovely delight ever so slowly. Outside, the rain beat a merry tune on the upturned visage of Salvation Al, Sal’s evil twin. “Where be ye, woman?” called Al, and he entered [...]
Following a brisk workout on the racket ball court, the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Ghost of Christmas Future lay sprawled on the bench in front of their lockers. “That reminds me of a game in 1922,” said the Ghost of Christmas Past. “I don’t care. Next Thursday is really going to be something,” [...]
The chamber wolf left the chamber, loped across the meadow, caught the bus, got off on the corner of Filth and Regurgitate, went into the bar and downed a schooner of near beer, exited through the back entrance into the alley, lolluped up the fire escape, squeezed through the window into his office, sat behind [...]
The Perfect Gift Jim Darling was positively frantic and negatively charged over the looming impossibility of finding the perfect gift for his beloved. He pulled out his pocket watch and wound it so tightly that it exploded, sending shards of glass and metal into his forehead. Of course! Why didn’t I think of that before? [...]
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