THE FOUL CONCOCTION

June 11, 2014
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The foul concoction brooded at the bottom of the cauldron. Why in the name of liquid brews everywhere did the crone add that last tincture of awareness to me? Trapped, nay puddled as I am in the depths of this ugly pot, what possible benefit can the awareness of my own existence bring to me? […]

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THE INDECISIVE MIRROR

June 9, 2014

The vain queen stood before the mirror and said, ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?’ The mirror, playing for time, replied, ‘Fair in what sense, your majesty? Equal pay for equal work? Educational opportunity? Whoa, I see by the steam issuing from your ears that it’s my opinion on […]

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THE TAR KING

June 3, 2014

The Tar King, determined to exact revenge on the Simpering Fluff, oozed from the byre, ignoring the frantic cow’s plea to return and the Fluff’s mocking laughter. ‘Never in all my born days have I been so insulted,’ muttered the Tar King. He slugged up the wall, sliming his way onto the roof. There he […]

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THE MAN WHO STEPPED OUT OF HIS DREAM

May 18, 2014
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The man who stepped out of his dream initialed the last page of the commitment papers. Two burly flunkies stepped forward at a nod from the cruel mistress and dragged the man down a long unlit corridor. They flung him into a bare concrete cube of a room and bashed shut the spike laden door. […]

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IN THE TIME OF WEALTH

April 29, 2014
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Every morning the eccentric billionaire descends the grand stairway and announces his name to the assembled staff. On each occasion the name announced is different. On this morning he says, ‘My name is Beak Hickenlooper.’ At this, the staff bows or curtsies, according to gender. The housekeeper then slips away to the dining room, where […]

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FRED DAFFODIL, PRIVATE EYE

April 22, 2014
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Morning slapped me like a deranged walrus. My brain felt like it had been chopped and pureed by a band of angry aphids wielding barbed flails. ‘You’re an angel,’ I croaked when Wanda, my secretary, whose petals had seen the seedier side of the San Fernando Valley, poured a pitcher of gin down my face. […]

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THE BOARD CERTIFIED LEMMING

April 5, 2014
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Darwin Plaguemaster, the board certified lemming, approached the edge of the cliff with some trepidation and a bag of walnuts. He tossed one walnut over and watched its descent onto the crusty spikes far below. A faint nutty cry of pain drifted up to chastise the lemming. With a firm nod, Plaguemaster retreated to safety […]

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TO VANQUISH THE VANQUISHED

March 26, 2014

The sun, like a malevolent Belgian horse, rose savagely over the surly sea. ‘Ain’t licked yet, you bent rusty excuse for a literate worm!’ croaked Tarleton Skrebble, his sanity lacking defiance lifting feebly from the bobbing raft. ‘Hell you ain’t!’ boomed the suddenly appearing mega whale of death.

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THE RED RIVER DEMON

March 18, 2014

The Red River Demon, Laffering Peglet, his face a mask of dripping fangs, shoved several stacks of chips forward. ‘I call,’ he slurred from his rancid throat. Partridge ‘The Mole’ Hanratty showed his hand, three aces and a pair of threes. ‘Nice,’ hissed Laffering Peglet, his face a compendium of flashing daggers, ‘but not quite […]

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THE BITTERBAT CONUNDRUM

February 25, 2014

The Bitterbat household was all atizzy. For Clem Bitterbat, the criminally insane patriarch, had escaped the parlor. Sending out feelers collected from butterflies to all authorities, the Bitterbat household was taken aback when an armored division surrounded their compound. Urged to issue forth and reach for the sky, the Bitterbats complied, though not without quite […]

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