3 sisters were all entered in the same beauty contest, the Miss Carbon Miranda Pageant. Jane, the eldest, pictured in the middle there, hated the youngest sister, Prim, she’s on the left, with a passion matched only by her other sister, Grace, on the right. Jane and Grace may be likened to Cinderella’s step-sisters, Cinderella [...]
Sweat fair flew from the brow of the Idle Hand, drenching the nearby sleeping crofters. A frenzy of whirl it displayed, galloping from yon to hither carrying and depositing loads of carrion and back again with fervently undue haste. For, you see, japing mockery had penetrated deep to the heart underneath its leathery hide and [...]
The trial balloon floated over the rooftops of London. The judge asked the jury if they had reached a verdict. The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, Your Honor, we find the defendant guilty.’ ‘Right,’ said the judge. ‘Bailiff, do your duty.’ The bailiff grabbed the defendant by scruff of neck and seat of pants and flung [...]
The bride who was once a turtle moved slowly down the hall and into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator door, she paused and thought, blinking her eyes twice during the three minutes of subsequent silence. She sighed and reached for a lettuce leaf. She brought it to her mouth and consumed it, moving her jaw [...]
Once upon a time a lackadaisical car dealership owner’s daughter traipsed into the woods hauling her wagon loaded with four 2 gallon jugs of brandy. First she met a wolf who threatened to read tax instructions at her. He was soon placated when the girl shared with him one jug of brandy. Continuing on her [...]
Upon a once time there dwelt in a queendom by the sea the loveliest of pinks. And she knew it, flaunted it, snobbed it endlessly up and down the strand. ‘Am I not lovely?’ she cried out to ptarmigans and flying whales cruising by in the sky. She shouted it to a huddle of distant [...]
The resplendent toad ladled gravy into his maw with a diamond studded silver dipper veined in gold. Giles Tumbleberry despaired. Why had he been rejected? After all, hadn’t he and he alone invented the intergalactic steamboat? The toad handed the ladle to Giles and belched long and loud. Thereupon Giles flew into a rage, made [...]
The frog king and the frog queen lived quite happily in, on and under a garden green. For you see, they possessed everything their hearts desired. Centuries of collecting had crammed bowers in the garden and caverns underneath with a dazzling array of items. There were steak knives with handles of purest ash, a wind-up [...]
The Pride of the Mounties saddled up and rode directly into the heart of Macy’s. Dismounting in Housewares, The Pride queried the nearest associate, a fetching lemur who was, in fact, in the act of fetching a boxed set of china from the stockroom. Following the unsuccessful querying, The Pride swung into the saddle and [...]
The Fashion Statement rolled a last cigarette with one hand held aloft in defiance. The onlookers murmured heartfelt admiration. The Captain of the Guard removed his sunglasses and wept openly, cruelly. The order was given, and the Squad advanced with outstretched plume feathers. The tickling commenced, and The Fashion Statement writhed on the ground in [...]
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