July 24, 2014
Tallulah isn’t thrilled because: a. it’s 8 o’clock in the morning, and she usually gets up at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. b. she believes she looks absurd. c. the photographer is trying to make her smile by waving a stuffed bunny around. d. the photo session is eating way too much into her drinking […]
July 17, 2014
This clown frog is endangered because: a. he’s been fired from circus after circus for his drunken shenanigans. b. he’s unwilling to adjust to non-neon ways. c. if he hears one more LSD joke, he’ll explode. d. he’s about to go down to the river and teach that alligator a thing or two.
July 3, 2014
Silent film actress Valeska Suratt in this photo is: a. preparing for a date with Bela Lugosi. b. plotting the overthrow of Mary Pickford. c. sneering at the human fools and their ridiculous superstitions. d. about to dip that garlic into the limburger cheese and eat it. e. wishing she was lazing on the beach […]
June 19, 2014
Young Bebe, playing Dorothy in the silent film version of The Wizard of Oz, is reacting here to: a. an invasion from Mars. b. Godzilla. c. the spontaneous combustion of a passing horse. d. the spontaneous combustion of a passing cow. e. all of the above
June 12, 2014
Mary reacts to: a. the papparazzi. b. Louis B. Mayer. c. a fiend from Hell. d. the bells, BELLS, BELLS!
June 7, 2014
Welcome to the Valuable Encampment of Delights 1. where your every wish will be considered and discarded. 2. where the winner of room roulette will get the room with the window. 3. where our internationally fugitive chefs prepare oats in 10 different ways. 4. where nighttime hi jinx blossom with barbed wire and fiends. 5. […]
June 5, 2014
At the moment depicted, the creature is: a. conducting the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra in a production of Gounod’s Faust. b. trying to get the assembled mass of creatures to simmer down enough to allow him to introduce the evening’s speaker. c. surrendering. d. miming the answer to the question ‘What letter comes between W and […]
May 29, 2014
In this photo, Sterling is about to: a. chastise a member of the news media. b. reveal for the first time his somewhat darker side. c. do something he’ll later regret. d. blow his Mr. Nice Guy image forever.
April 24, 2014
Taking on the role of Svengali, John Barrymore stayed in character by: a. running amok through a local dairy. b. hypnotizing ravens to do his bidding. c. poking random strangers in the eye with his beard. d. igniting small brush fires with his gaze. e. beginning each day by eating a bowl of swan’s eyes.
April 22, 2014
Morning slapped me like a deranged walrus. My brain felt like it had been chopped and pureed by a band of angry aphids wielding barbed flails. ‘You’re an angel,’ I croaked when Wanda, my secretary, whose petals had seen the seedier side of the San Fernando Valley, poured a pitcher of gin down my face. […]