April 22, 2014
Morning slapped me like an angry platypus. My brain felt like it had been chopped and pureed by a band of angry aphids wielding barbed flails. ‘You’re an angel,’ I croaked when Wanda, my secretary, whose petals had seen the seedier side of the San Fernando Valley, poured a pitcher of gin down my face. […]
April 17, 2014
Henderson rose from the chair, advanced to the center of the room, paused, thrust his right leg forward, and stood stock still for a time balanced in this peculiar manner. ‘I do this sometimes,’ he said before he returned to the chair. His guests departed rapidly.
April 10, 2014
JP glowers because: a. he can’t have dessert because he didn’t eat his broccoli. b. the minion he’s staring at brought the wrong gold plated mustache comb. c. he’s just been told wealth is not all giggles and pranks. d. no matter how much his heart yearns for it, he can’t unilaterally ban the accordion.
April 5, 2014
Darwin Plaguemaster, the board certified lemming, approached the edge of the cliff with some trepidation and a bag of walnuts. He tossed one walnut over and watched its descent onto the crusty spikes far below. A faint nutty cry of pain drifted up to chastise the lemming. With a firm nod, Plaguemaster retreated to safety […]
March 31, 2014
has very little to do with this convention of alien death pods meeting to discuss a variety of nefarious plans.
March 27, 2014
The Hovick sisters: a. kept a large net handy for when Mama went a little bit ‘off’. b. ,before hitting the big time, lived on orange rinds and bread dust for weeks on end. c. were as normal as blueberry pie spiked with vodka and chocolate chips. d. had IQs of 170 and UFO sightings […]
March 13, 2014
During the early 1920s, Agnes: a. lectured on personal hygiene at the Alamo. b. went over Niagara Falls twice in a barrel, once in a giant rubber ball. c. thought about touring as Abraham Lincoln in a one woman show. d. lived on a tugboat in New York Harbor. e. always carried a violin in […]
March 6, 2014
Gloria sits at her dressing table contemplating: a. what she will do to her lover if he overcooks the meatloaf. b. her next move in the dance of wits between her and Raymond Chandler. c. another day in paradise. d. what bliss it would be if that damn dog somehow stopped yapping.
March 2, 2014
Loon: Celebrity spirit interviewee for 3 questions today is the famous symphony orchestra conductor, Arturo Stravinsky. Tell me, maestro, are kettle drums really made out of kettles? Stravinsky’s ghost: Ah, the music, the music, the music. Loon: Yes, the music. Following up, and I must admit to having some inside information about this, were you […]
February 20, 2014
When playing Oberon in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Victor: a. wore this costume on set and off for the duration of the shoot. b. tried, but failed, to maintain dignity while wearing the twig hat. c. was not amused when Mickey Rooney borrowed his lipstick. d. dreamed of opening a bait shop in Saskatoon. e. […]