March 6, 2014
Gloria sits at her dressing table contemplating: a. what she will do to her lover if he overcooks the meatloaf. b. her next move in the dance of wits between her and Raymond Chandler. c. another day in paradise. d. what bliss it would be if that damn dog somehow stopped yapping.
March 2, 2014
Loon: Celebrity spirit interviewee for 3 questions today is the famous symphony orchestra conductor, Arturo Stravinsky. Tell me, maestro, are kettle drums really made out of kettles? Stravinsky’s ghost: Ah, the music, the music, the music. Loon: Yes, the music. Following up, and I must admit to having some inside information about this, were you […]
February 20, 2014
When playing Oberon in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Victor: a. wore this costume on set and off for the duration of the shoot. b. tried, but failed, to maintain dignity while wearing the twig hat. c. was not amused when Mickey Rooney borrowed his lipstick. d. dreamed of opening a bait shop in Saskatoon. e. […]
February 19, 2014
You’ll need: 1 haunch 1 oven 1 stick 1 bottle of vodka 1 clove 1 random other stuff Beat haunch with stick until you grow weary. Fortify self from vodka bottle. Take clove and rub it lightly over your lips. Kiss haunch. Fortify self with vodka. Bread the haunch, preferably with another variety of meat. […]
February 8, 2014
Event coordinator Alice Blant paces the length of the vast hangar making one final inspection of the 1000 hammocks. Alignment and spacing? Check. Cords properly tense? Check. Pillows plumped and placed perfectly? Check. Fringe on each hammock hanging with nary a tangle? Check. “All right, Blandings. Open the door!” shouts Alice Blant. Blandings manipulates the […]
February 2, 2014
Loon: Today I am proud and privileged to welcome to the 3 Question Interview the ghost of Mr. Peter Lorre. Welcome, Mr. Lorre. Did you spend much time bowling when you were alive? Lorre’s ghost: Why are you saying that? I can’t stand it! You’re driving me mad! Loon: All right. Let me approach from […]
January 30, 2014
To kill time on the set between takes, Fay and Kong: a. played billiards. b. shared stories about their analysts. c. attended yoga class led by Gloria Swanson and Rin Tin Tin. d. built an aircraft carrier. e. danced the tarantella.
January 23, 2014
Wearing this hat, Gerda Maurus: a. danced with Fred Astaire, inflicting face lacerations severe enough to put Fred in the hospital. b. jogged in Central Park without incident. c. swam the English Channel without incident. d. served on a murder trial jury, causing several incidents. e. felt invincible.
January 16, 2014
Brigitte Helm, when in character as the best evil robot ever in the silent movie Metropolis, thought about: a. sweet, sweet revenge. b. what she would do to a chocolate cake if she had the billion marks to buy one. c. entering a nunnery and what she would do to the sisters therein. d. bare […]
January 12, 2014
Loon: Today we welcome for the 3 question interview a lady who was the mother of a famous musician, a whistler, I am told. First question. When did you first notice that your son was a whistler? Whistler’s mother’s ghost: Why, from the day he was born, of course. Loon: That soon. Wow. Was he […]