THE TITANIC GLORIA STUART KWIZ

November 20, 2014

Gloria Stuart, pictured here in a script conference with Boris Karloff, before agreeing to act the part of elderly Rose in James Cameron’s film, Titanic, insisted on: a. being allowed to bring a brace of ptarmigans onto the set. b. showing Cameron her collection of glass eyes. c. payment in uranium. d. 2 weeks paid […]

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THE HOOFED FIEND

November 18, 2014

The last student trickled away, leaving the hoofed fiend alone in its classroom. So that’s it then, thought the hoofed fiend. It’s over. Retirement. I’d almost like to go back and do it all again. But no, I suppose it’s time to burn my torch in other fields. It looked around the classroom one final […]

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THE DADA PLAY

November 4, 2014
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(Empty stage filled with all manner of sorts. Man wearing rooster costume from neck down enters stage left. Neck up, the man wears his own head.) Man (gazing up as up can be): … the night … the dream … the hope … ah, despair … End (blackout)

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THE HALLOWEEN OWL MAN KWIZ

October 30, 2014
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The Halloween owl man is famous primarily for: a. creating the flakiest pie crusts in all of Zombieland. b. slashing things to ribbons. c. consuming 18 cows at one sitting. d. hypnotizing Godzilla.

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THE TRIFFID PHILOSOPHER

October 29, 2014
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The loon held a lengthy discussion with this triffid philosopher and was sent on his way with these words of wisdom from the alien plant: ‘If not now, who? If not then, where?’

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THE CIRCUS INCIDENT

September 24, 2014
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The show is over. You begin to peel off your clown suit. Others pass by, congratulating you on your performance. You feel a surge of well being. Here you are where you want to be doing what you want to do. You linger before the mirror. Time stretches out in pleasant reverie. Silence glides in […]

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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – SIR WILLIAM S GILBERT

September 21, 2014
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Loon: Today the Lords of the 4th Dimension have seen fit to deliver to us for the 3 question interview the ghost of Sir William Gilbert. I am led to believe Sir William was active in Victorian England. Sir William, did you have anything to do with investigating the Jack the Ripper murders? Ghost of […]

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THE ERIC CAMPBELL KWIZ

September 18, 2014
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Eric Campbell, between takes on a Chaplin movie set, would: a. dance on his toes and pirouette. b. eat a wheelbarrow full of potato salad. c. bask and nap on his own special giant boulder. d. make haggis.

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CHORUS GIRLS

September 9, 2014
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On a grubby roof in Los Angeles circa 1930, 9 chorus girl roommates take turns pounding each other impishly to wind down from a long sweaty day at the studio spent fending off various wise guy lotharios.

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TWILIGHT IN THE ZONE

September 4, 2014
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when it’s twilight in the zone and you find yourself alone by a field of corn as silent as can be please do not despair simply be aware that you have been transformed into a tree

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