DEAN JAMES
February 9, 2015
There once was a young actor named Dean James. So close, and yet so far.
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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – JOSEPH CONRAD
February 8, 2015
Loon: Today’s guest ghost for the 3 question interview is Joseph Conrad, who I am told wrote books. Welcome, Mr. Conrad. Did anybody ever tell you that you look like the captain of the Titanic?
Conrad’s ghost (staring wide-eyed at the loon): The horror, the horror.
Loon (turning his head this way and that, frightened): What? Where?
Conrad’s ghost (maintaining the wide-eyed gaze): The horror, the horror.
Loon (racing from the room): I’m getting out of here.
Conrad’s ghost (stone stiff, staring): The horror, the horror.
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ITINERANT CONTORTIONIST
February 7, 2015
Edith Piaf’s father was an itinerant contortionist. So there’s that.
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THE KENESAW MOUNTAIN LANDIS KWIZ ANSWER
February 6, 2015
The judge was hopeless with a lariat.
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THE KENESAW MOUNTAIN LANDIS KWIZ
February 5, 2015
Unlike Will Rogers, Judge Landis:
a. never met a man he liked.
b. couldn’t beat a snake in a baseball throwing contest.
c. was hopeless with a lariat.
d. treated his polo ponies like trash.
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USING TUNGSTEN IN SENTENCES
February 4, 2015
He spoke with a voice of steel reinforced with tungsten or some other such metal.
‘Tungsten!’ cried Barlow. ‘It’s the very thing we’ve been looking for!’
She entered the room in a fury, flinging tungsten.
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HOW TO BECOME THE GREATEST EVIL ROBOT EVER
February 3, 2015
Step One
Step Two
Step Three
Step Four
Any questions?
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THE INN AT HENCHLEY’S BROW
February 2, 2015
You approach Henchley’s Brow, so named because of the scuzzy gorse running rampant along the dunes. Your destination is the inn located there, and whether or not you’ll find it is in doubt as you suffer leg-buckling lashes of fury from the howling storm. Finally, staggered sideways by a particularly violent gust, you slam against the very door of the inn. Grateful beyond measure, you enter and with great effort force the door shut behind you. Drenched, you puddle your way across the floor toward the lone occupant of the premises. From behind the bar, he regards your approach with beady eyes, never ceasing to polish the spectacles he holds in his hand.
‘A room,’ you say.
He looks you up and down before turning his head to the right and shouting, ‘Mag!’
A long twig of a woman, dressed in rags, appears at the top of the stairs. She stares at you with her great round eyes.
‘Wants a room,’ says the man polishing the spectacles.
The woman nods and beckons you with a taloned finger. You weigh going back out into the storm against climbing the stairs. You decide to climb the stairs, first patting the soaked pocket of your overcoat to reaffirm the comforting presence of the revolver. You ascend smiling. The hag returns your smile with one of her own featuring four teeth only, each one a slender dagger. She nods you to a room. You enter and are left alone in a cubicle, bare except for a plank of a bed. No, not alone. Something is there in the darkened corner. You slide your hand into the pocket holding the gun and take three steps forward.
There she is. You die.
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A SENTENCE BY EDNA FERBER
February 1, 2015
Her own bulky figure was made more ponderous by layer on layer of ill-assorted garments of the kind donned from time to time as night wears on by one who, having been aroused hastily and in emergency, has arrived scantily clad.
That forty pounder is from Show Boat.
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By this guy (grown old):
dochorton - at - live - dot - com
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5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
