December 12, 2013
The Blue Meanie Leader was mean because:
a. his boots were too tight.
b. his Miss Congeniality sash was torn from his gown when it was discovered that he was Mr. Congeniality.
c. he thought his song ‘I Want To Hold Your Gland’ was way better than the Beatles’ ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’.
d. he was raised in Wyoming by a box of cereal.
e. as a mere meanlet he was bullied by a raging congregation of bulls and insurance salesmen.
December 11, 2013
The Trembler despaired. Shivering in its rags, it peered over the sill to the rubble filled street far below. It heaved a shuddering sigh and retreated to the broken table in the otherwise empty foul stained room. The ceiling stain resembled a torn apart rat. A wobbling claw the Trembler stretched forth in an attempt to pluck up the single grain of rice trapped in the mucus of filth on the table. Failure. Releasing another great shuddering sigh, the Trembler staggered to the window and threw itself out. It tumbled through its shriek until landing on the mattress a few feet below.
‘Cut!’ called out the director. ‘Great, Alvin! Perfect. Let’s do one more.’
‘I’ll need a new feeler. This one’s busted,’ said Alvin, waving the broken Trembler feeler above his head.
December 10, 2013
Now that we’ve crossed the river, we’ll go through here and soon be at grandmother’s house. Don’t worry. The steed is familiar with the route.
December 8, 2013
Loon: Today for the 3 question interview, I…
(Ghosts of Hatfields and McCoys crash through ceiling, punching, biting, kicking.)
Loon (shouting): Wait a min…
(Loon goes down after taking a left to the jaw from a particularly burly Hatfield maiden.)
Loon (raises head, groggy): What’s the big idea? This is no…
(Loon jackknifes in agony as a McCoy knee to the groin strikes true.)
Loon: Oooooohhhhh…
(Tumbling, cursing, flailing, eye gouging ghosts of Hatfields and McCoys take their never ending battle through the floor away and gone.)
Loon: Oooooohhhhh…
December 7, 2013
Early on in Ulysses, when Mr. Bloom sits down to his breakfast of pan seared kidney, we see him:
chewing with discernment the toothsome pliant meat.
December 6, 2013
Hef almost bought the farm when Gypsy leaped out of his sock drawer.
December 5, 2013
This is a rare life size photo of the leprechaun Gypsy Boots’ head. His most famous prank:
a. was that time he hid in Hugh Hefner’s sock drawer and yelled ‘Bugga bugga!’ when Hugh opened the drawer.
b. involved sugar, gasoline, miniature marshmallows, a few matches, and Ken Kesey’s bus.
c. had the authorities in Lompoc searching for the source of the stench for weeks.
d. took place in an alternate universe when he miniaturized and held prisoner in his beard Timothy Leary and Anita Bryant.
December 2, 2013
SHADOW OF A GIANT FALLING FROM THE SKY
December 1, 2013
Loon: Today for the 3 Question Interview, I’d like to welcome the ghost of Dale Carnegie, a celebrity I have never heard of. Mr. Carnegie, why are you famous?
Carnegie’s ghost: That’s for me to know and you to find out. By the way, just curious, did you salvage the clothes you’re wearing from a pool of elephant vomit? ‘Cause that’s sure what it looks like.
Loon: Huh? I … Let me ask this. Did you invent something?
Carnegie’s ghost: About your face, it’s ugly, you know. It’s at moments like this I wish I’d invented a face de-uglifier.
Loon: Oh. Did you invent a kind of cheese?
Carnegie’s ghost: What’s with the invention obsession? In a battle of wits, you’d lose to an oat. (cartwheels through the ceiling)
Loon: He must have been an unhappy cheese inventor. (shrugs) See you next week.
