the haunted cupcakes
ghostly
they march
in sinister flow
along the treadmill
to devour
the sleeping innocent
innocent no more
Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension thought that having Pyewacket, a spirit in the form of a black cat, for the 3 Question Interview would be Halloween appropriate. So, without ado of lengthier measure, let us begin. Pyewacket, is your name taken from Elmer Fudd describing the noise made by a table of pies collapsing?
Spirit of Pywacket: You will die.
Loon: Ha ha. Seriously, is it true you served a witch in 1644?
Spirit of Pyewacket: Your beating heart shall be torn from your chest.
Loon: Ha ha. So, black cats are supposed to be evil and all that. Do you resent that stereotype?
Spirit of Pyewacket: Your body shall be consumed by rats.
Loon: Ha ha. And a Happy Halloween to all.
(Loon turns to go. Spirit of Pyewacket leaps, talons unsheathed.)
Leo didn’t find the raisin for six months.
Maria:
a. dated Tsar Nicholas back in the day.
b. once playfully hid a raisin in Leo Tolstoy’s beard.
c. fought Baba Yaga to a draw in 1893.
d. preferred Pinsk to Minsk.
You creep along the shabby corridor behind the kitchen, taking care that your $380 neon orange sneakers produce not the slightest squeak as you place them carefully one in front of the other. Reaching the door, you breathe a sigh of relief, not a loud one, no, but a silent one, yes. Through this last thin pine rectangle, escape in its jaunty cap beckons. You fling the door open.
There she is. You die.
Ingredients
no elks
elk substitute (equal parts raisins, bran, hallucinogens and soy)
water
Work elk substitute into a gooey frenzy. Pelt with half the water (1 cup if you are using 2 cups, 1 gallon if you are using 2 gallons). Dump frenzy into the rest of the water. Worry with a mallet until goo audibly sighs. Sip gently. Peel yourself off of the ceiling. Sleep for 3 days. Go trick or treating.
Loon: The Lords of the 4th Dimension have seen fit in this spooky autumn season to deliver for the 3 Question Interview the ghost of a writer of spooky things, one Irving Washington.
Ghost of Irving: Pardon me. My name is Washington Irving. It is not Irving Washington.
Loon: Huh? Your first name is Washington?
Irving’s ghost: That is correct.
Loon: And your last name is Irving?
Irving’s ghost: Also true.
Loon: So you’re telling me your name is Washington Irving, not Irving Washington?
Irving’s ghost: I am.
Loon: That makes 3 questions. Thank you for being here.
(Irving throws head at loon. Loon ducks.)
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
