“When the boss enters, look directly at his chin, and don’t move a muscle. If he asks you a question, preface your answer by cawing three times like a crow. And never ever ever joke about the suits.”
The correct answers are b,c,d,e,f. Yes, slightly tricky. You should have seen how Joan and Bette battled to outdo each other in the production of exotic and monumental sandwiches for Victor’s lunch. On a side note, Victor certainly was a very fine and entertaining talk show guest, particularly on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
Victor Buono ate:
a. a house.
b. sandwiches prepared for him by Bette Davis every day on the set of ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?’
c. sandwiches prepared for him by Joan Crawford every day on the set of ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?’
d. sparingly between his 14 meals a day.
e. in his sleep.
f. his weight in reindeer butter.
g. your milkshake and the glass it came in.
Stella, the shameless hussy, and
Bella, the brazen bawd,
Distribute all the candy
in the wonderful world of Nod.
How odd.
Acting on directions supplied by the loon’s own triffid, the loon visited and chatted with this loner incognito triffid a few weeks ago. It was staked out as this comely rose in front of a house likely to attract a wealth of succulent trick-or-treaters. The loon scanned the papers for the next few days and decided that there was a giant government coverup or that the triffid had changed its plans. A subsequent walk to the site revealed nothing to the loon. The loner incognito triffid disguised as a comely rose was, of course, no longer there. A later interview with the loon’s own triffid produced a wry smile, a chuckle, and a bemused “No comment”. The loon has wisely made no further inquiries. He made one enquiry, though, and it came to nothing.
The fadwren is a perky and insistent small bird found in marshes and abandoned steel factories. Both the male and the female dress in tiny trenchcoats. The male wears the collar turned up, the female turned down. The eggs are green with blue specks. The hatchlings, usually 3 or 4 in number, emerge in Eton jackets and exchange these for adult trenchcoat plumage after three weeks. Fadwrens do not fly. The marsh fadwren goes about in a small submarine, and the abandoned steel factory variety drives a miniature yellow school bus. Fadwrens feed on grubs, jacks, pucks, knobs, soss, and meckle. Their song sounds something like, ‘Get out of my face, you indulgent scrap hen.’ Fadwrens live 12 years, 4 months, 3 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes. Do not try to make a fadwren your pet if you value your life.
‘A bit of bacon-rind, what has been hung in the sun so as to take the crisp off, it’s, why I don’t rightly know what it’s, but it’s pretty picking of a morning, ah, and of a evening.’
Poet delivers the goods with all of The Midnight Folk and specifically with this quote from Rat.
The venison pictured here made a fatal mistake. Intently focused on the loon, he failed to notice the stealthy sidle of the loon’s triffid. It’s was over quickly and painlessly, the venison rendered instantly senseless by the triffid’s deadly sting. The triffid, I might add, wastes no food and is an extremely efficient diner. It could be president of the Clean Plate Club if it so desired. Neatness counts in the world of triffids. And plenty of meat.
Today’s fall leavular post is brought to you by carbonated beverages positively loaded with every kind of sugar you can think of and a few you never even knew existed. Sore teeth? Swill our product around in your mouth for 60 seconds and, voila, no more pesky teeth. Also good for melting furniture and small annoying pets. Make lawn care a breeze. Drink one bottle and you won’t care about your lawn. You won’t care about anything. Though you will have lost quite a lot of brain function, you will experience a short-lived burst of energy. So there’s that.
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
