Here we have an orrunery and an orrunery shadow, a pair of the many involved in the agonies of Dodden, the stoic heroine of my new story, Dodden in Jom. I’m 12,000 words in.
There once was a thing of some sort or other
That did something that rhymed with the sort of thing it was
Then something else happened
And the last word of whatever it was got rhymed in this next line
And finally the original something was rhymed again, usually with a humorous twist
My dentist wears mermaid flukes on his head.
“I raise tourniquet spiders,” said the man happily from his deathbed.
Foreseeing trouble, I absented myself quickly when the snowcone of hepatitis reared its ugly head.
When last I melted treacle, spring was in the air.
Jingles licked himself.
Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father – an act which made a deep impression on me at the time.
Ladies and gentlemen, that right there is one nifty sentence. It opens a short story called ‘The Perfect Conflagration’.
“See, if she gets the law degree first and the medical second, that way she’ll be able to represent herself in all of her malpractice suits.”
The Fake Cow and the Cobra
Being made of synthetic leather, the fake cow found it difficult to demonstrate sincerity. So one day when her friend, the cobra, loomed up from the basket and said, “Are my beady eyes really scary?”, the fake cow knew cobra was merely fishing for a compliment.
“Oh, yeah, really scary. I’m like totally scared,” answered the fake cow, not comprehending at all the mockery in her own utterance.
The cobra, taking quite a lot of umbrage, struck. The cow, however, being fake, suffered no damage whatsoever, and, truth to tell, added to the cobra’s mortification by stating, “Oh, now I’m in for it. I guess I’m dead. I should lie down. Right? (yawn).”
Moral: When your best friend is a fake cow, twitching syndrome is at hand.
When the future anthropologist’s mother emphatically declared, “You shall not study early west African cultures,” the young girl simply replied, “Ah, shan’t I?”
Pick up lines are rarely able to cross the barrier between species. The following examples, highly successful in the proper animal context, turn out to be nearly 100% failures when attempted by humans.
“Wow! You’re the fattest sow I’ve ever seen!” has a 94% success rate among swine. In contrast, human success with the same line weighs in at a lowly 3%.
“I just had to come over and see if you smell as bad as my friend says you do. And I must say, you really do stink.” wins over 98% of all skunks. Among humans, sad to say, the result is a paltry 1.4%.
“Mind if I nuzzle your flank?” rates a healthy score of 83% with horses. Surprisingly, humans get a not insignificant hit of 14% with the same line. The level of inebriation seems to be involved here to some degree.
The loon’s walking stick has been with him since the president with all the birds was in office. On many a camping trip, it often prepared meals and even drove the car when the loon was feeling particularly addled. It also does quite an impressive imitation of an otter taking a bath with Goldie Hawn. I know, showing its age with that one, but hey, there it is.
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
