50 beeves
8 cannons
plenty of ammo
Dig a trench 100 yards long. Herd beeves into same. Array all 8 cannons in a line 1/2 mile distant from trench. Load and discharge cannons. Repeat until ammo is consumed. Take your favorite spoon across no man’s land and dig in.
“Sow wheat in the fields where my sow used to roam,” decreed the King after he wound the bandage around his arm wound.
“Yes, sire,” said the lackey.
“Bow when you address me, and hand me that bow,” snarled the King.
“Yes, sire,” said the lackey, bowing.
“Sire?” said the jester, bowing his viola da gamba.
“What is it?” asked the King.
“The damsels have arrived to wind the clock,” said the jester.
“Excellent. Have them do it right away before the wind picks up. We’re in for some weather, I’m thinking. And one more thing. That pile of refuse over there?”
“Sire?”
“I refuse to look at it for another instant! Clean it up! Now!”
consider the cow
bovine lady
ranch roaming dairy queen
consider the cow
pre-pasteurized cream creator
hooved hamburger
consider the cow
for elected office
raise the IQ of a lawmaking body
Actor: Line?
Prompter: To be or not.
Actor: To be or not … Line?
Prompter: To be.
Actor: Huh?
Prompter: To be or not to be.
Actor: Oh, yeah. To be or not to be … To be or not to be … To be … or not to be … …
Prompter: That.
Actor: That …
Prompter: Is.
Actor: Is …
Prompter: The question.
Actor: Oh, yes, of course. Let’s start again … … Line?
The professor’s cat moved with lark-like civility down the hallway. Plel Lolman smiled with his wooden mouth. Widow Chirp, the landlady, ladled dollops of treason pie onto broken dishes. The professor remained in his room twirling a mackerel in anticipation of Crimson Bloodhound Day. Mavis, the parlor maid, sat in the boiler room eating a feather duster while reading the autobiography of B. Tipton Stallworthy, Tentacle of Death. Henry, the handy man, crawled on his belly like a spewing monk across the basement floor. Eugene Bindings erupted through his door and flailed from room to room, weeping. In the attic, Clever Ricky hid among the hamsters. Standing on the steps outside, young librarian’s assistant Jane Littleheart was in the process of making the worst decision of her up until then uneventful life. She was about to inquire within.
Mister Wrinkle, aka Rex Harrison, in turn affectionately called Julie ‘Little Miss Smoothbrow’.
During rehearsal for ‘My Fair Lady’, Julie Andrews:
a. always showed up drunk.
b. slept on a bed of nails.
c. called Rex Harrison ‘Mister Wrinkle’.
d. dallied in the black arts.
e. had to be talked out of shaving her head for the role.
There once was a crofter named Jones
Who was constantly badgered by crones
One day he asked why
And was told, “My oh my,
Be grateful we don’t grind your bones.”
There once was a surly young peasant
Whose life was quite frankly unpleasant
Until he met up
With the Duchess of Tup
Who gave him a sensual present
1. May you never be bitten by a rabid librarian.
2. May you never have to rely on a cobra for moral support.
3. May you never sign a contract to invent something in Antarctica.
4. May you never be required to send get well cookies to a bison.
5. May you always have harps in your parlor and a nose full of butter.
happy birthday andy
sandy dandy candy
the chair is gold
it melted
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
